Yesterday Kerri had to take one of the kids to the doctor. On the way home she ran out of time and decided to do "Donald's" as Emma calls McD's. In the window of the store they had Shrek signs. Page said told Kerri the toys they were giving with Happy Meals were Strawberry Shortcake. Kerri said, "We'll see," having seen the ogre in the window. Lo and behold, Strawberry Shortcake dolls. Page quickly chimed in, "See, I was right." Immediately after that, Page started asking when uncle Chris was going to get a girl. I guess I better start saving for the wedding now. : )

Kerri's brother, Kevin, got us a one year subscription to Blockbuster's online rentals. This week we received the Last Mimsy. I had seen the preview and thought it looked interesting. It should have been obvious, from the previews alone, the movie was much more than it appeared to be. Within moments of turning it on Kerri said, "Should we be watching this?" I dismissed it because I wanted to see the movie and didn't really feel like listening. Within a few minutes it became crystal clear the movie was a ploy to push the Buddhist-New Physics movement. Now, it's not a long forgotten part of my past where I got lost in physics. But, the edge of physics I was interested in bordered more religion than it does on practical application. This movie had so much blatant propaganda it was sad. What truly concerned me, however, was the fact they are wrapping these ideas up in sheepskin. Kids could easily get roped in because of the gee-whiz factor brought up by the FX gurus. Nonetheless, the darker themes, levitation, thought control, telekinesis...these all appeal to kids who are alienated and open to wonders. Sounds like most of this gifted generation. Turn around and look at the indigo kids and we see the same movement, only for artistically inclined cultures.

These types of movements are nothing new. What really piqued my interest was an article I read the other day on one of my athlete's sites. This isn't the first time I had heard about Garrett Lisi, but, after reading his paper, it did become clear something larger might be worth keeping an eye on. Of course physicists heap praise quickly whenever something seems like it might be groundbreaking because it represents the possibility of a new era in the field and everyone starts getting excited. Nonetheless, much of the work that comes from this field these days seems a lot less like science and more like applied mysticism. My deepest concern is that the theories being proposed today are merely the science of tomorrow as it takes years to test and prove theories. In other words, I believe that the field of science has become a hotbed for closet metaphysicians and undercover spiritualist and occult practicioners. With our kids being exposed to these ideas through movies like this and the theorists coming up with the next 15-50 years of prisms through which to examine reality, I see a coup in the making and feel compelled to note it.

We went to community group tonight. During the course of the discussion I was reminded of a theme that has cropped up during a few conversations I have had with my mentor. The fruit of the Spirit are prayed for all the time. For years I have prayed, hoped and wished the Lord would give me peace, joy, patience, etc. Only in the last few months I have I realized that my role in pursuing these fruit has been one of a passive person. In essence, I have wanted God to just give me peace, joy, patience, etc. I wanted to receive them no questions asked, no strings attached, nothing sacrificed.

God has really helped me to come to a new understanding of the fruit. Like anything we truly value, the fruit are to be actively sought. Paul writes in several verses throughout the Epistles that we are to be at peace with others. In the context of those verses the people to whom Paul writes are being instructed to actively create peace. Whether by exercising self-control, choosing (or willing) to be joyful in the face of otherwise unappreciable odds or loving those who do not deserve love, Paul points to an example of the Christian life as one where we make God's invisible love known through our very visible lives.

Without some investment in our cultivation of the fruit of the Spirit, a true appreciation of how God's Spirit confirms the value of a person's walk is really just a matter of chance. And, I'm not a believer in chance...at all. It really helped me take a different perspective on "receiving" the fruit when I came to see that we must engage, participate, actively put ourselves into the labor of creating lives worthy of being blessed with God's presence.

Hannah Arendt wrote in The Human Conditon of how essential labor is for a true sense of meaning and purpose. Our spiritual walk is certainly no different. Only today, as Arendt noted, we are losing an appreciation for the value of labor and this larger erosion of character and value is manifesting in our spiritual walk as well. It might be good to note the concept of the anima/animus as a good model for outlining the active/masculine I sense many Christians lack in this arena since we demonstrate, in this respect, more of a passivity, a trait akin to the soul's feminine manifestation, the animus. It was Adam, after all, who was charged with the curse of toiling in order to survive. Christianity is a work of love, but, we must remember, not all work is bad. Indeed, working with God to create a life where He will be honored enough to reveal himself is worth more than anything I can think of.

An interesting site I stumbled across while researching Windows relics--DOS--showed me another trick that I has heard of but never delved into: alternate data streams on NTFS. Alternate Data Streams are a lesser known feature of NTFS that has been taken advantage of by occasionally less than ethical folks. Shortly after exploring ADS I began exploring the use of this and found that ADS software is hard to program. It is also being outmoded by Vista. Nonetheless, it was a cool read.

We've had some interesting discussions around our house the past few days. With the shocking number of toy recalls coming from Chinese items--the latest being a contaminant which mimics the effects of GHB, the date rape drug. The article, as long as it is up, can be located here: Toy contaminated with 'date rape' drug pulled (link: http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/11/08/toy.recall/). One excerpt reads as outlined below:

U.S. safety officials have recalled about 4.2 million Chinese-made Aqua Dots bead toys that contain a chemical that has caused some children to vomit and become comatose after swallowing them.

Bindeez, which were named Australia's toy of the year, contain a chemical that converts into a "date rape" drug.

Scientists have found the popular toy's coating contains a chemical that, once metabolized, converts into the toxic "date rape" drug GHB, or gamma-hydroxy butyrate, U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission spokesman Scott Wolfson told CNN.

Kerri had the idea pop into her head that this is biological warfare. Now, technically, it's not biological, but rather chemical. It completely made sense to me. Of course, American companies invest in off-shore markets because it has a double benefit to coporations by helping them bypass taxation as well as reduce the bottom line because of reduced production costs. But, I think she's onto something, there is a larger, more suspicious problem. The cold war has been dismissed as a thing of the past, but, with the competitive interests of an entire national body at hand, why wouldn't members of China with longheld interests outside of the purely financial motives poison our children? By placing toxic ingredients, so far, the most commonly known are lead, but, I'm adding GHB to the list, our children are unknowingly being exposed to life-altering chemicals in the most "innocent" of ways...via toys. What would be a better plan? American soil cannot be attacked directly. If you destroy its future, however, you can gain power in due time. The increased number of cases of autism is well-noted yet not understood. I feel that many of the things that have been happening on US soil with our kids are the result of external influences which have been flying under the radar for years now. Hopefully more things will become clear and unveiled.

One of the most intriguing scriptures I've focused on in several years comes out of Revelation 18. While speaking of the judgement of Bablyon, verses 11-13 say the following:

11 And the traders of the earth are weeping and crying over her, because no man has any more desire for their goods, 12 Gold, and silver, and stones of great price, and jewels, and delicate linen, and robes of purple and silk and red; and perfumed wood, and every vessel of ivory, and every vessel made of fair wood, and of brass, and iron, and stone; 13 And sweet-smelling plants, and perfumes, and wine, and oil, and well crushed grain, and cattle and sheep; and horses and carriages and servants; and souls of men.

This last item is what gets my attention: "and souls of men". A nice summarization of this word, psuche, can be found here. Selling one's soul is mentioned elsewhere in the Bible--see the end of Matthew 16. But, the context here is about others (the traders of the earth - v. 11) selling souls. Indeed, the phrase, at least as it is put in the NIV, "merchandise" connects souls with items and goods...things for sale and purchase. Everything in this seems an acceptable item until the last two, servants and souls of men. Even in those days, slavery was an acknowledged practice. However, the sale of souls was not accepted, not even then.

The treatments of souls as objects is a problem prevelant today in our own society, but, the danger alluded to by John, even back then, seems to be overlooked in our world. Schools have become educational institutions whose commodities provide ideas and minds capable of producing them as if they were merely goods like any other object for sale. Look at the top educational facilities in the United States. People hone their skills and shape their lives hoping to get into these schools because of the opportunity it brings. In reality, this perverse dance is a fight to get selected for sale to the highest bidder. The people who graduate from top schools are often the prize or trophy products of these systems. They are highly valuable things corporations fight to capture in order to strengthen their systems and organizations. Nowhere in there is the notion of selling souls overlooked. In fact, it is embedded at the very heart of the model!

I always go with Augustine's model of the soul: mind, will and emotions. In selling our soul we see three components. Now, at times we are all challenged to compromise some part of ourself. What I am pointing out here is blatant, complete focus on using one's soul for non-godly profit. The mind, when committed to the world, is often used as an instrument within the system and framework being discussed here. Ideas are treated as immaterial objects, the product of minds. How the will and emotions react/interact with this systematic objectification are of little concern to this system. Veils such as professionalism and high standards or ethics are used to cloud the matter because the only thing looked at is the output of the soul, the ideas, the research, the materials produced and the power and/or profitability of these things. Little note or care is given to the misery and hubris often found in the lives of the people sacrificing themselves to do this work. Unrecognized or untreated psychological issues, severe personality disorders, depression, grave behavioral disorders, fatal character flaws, simple social unacceptability. Any and sometimes all of these things can be found in the people whose works gains praise after praise, but whose lives are demolished under the weight of this conflict. Now, I won't pretend that everyone is like this. There are many well-adjusted, brilliant people who are simply in a league of their own. But, how many of them are doing Christ's work? How many of them are changing the world for the Kingdom? I see so many of these brilliant stars as simply enjoying the thrill of being the war of the world. They don't truly want to change it. They just want to experience the sense of power that makes the world work.

I can't recall whether it was two or three days ago, but I had a small idea come to mind that seemed to have potentially interesting implications. Lightning is a natural phenomenon intrinsically found to restore balance to the electrostatic environment of a region. In particular, lightning aims to equalize the ionic disproportion between disparate geoatmospheric regions. Parallel to this cycle I saw John Paul Jackson's teachings on justice possessing a supernatural reflection of this event. God seeks to restore justice in much the same way electrical storms create electrical balance in the atmosphere. After doing some research into the natural act of lightning I don't yet see a clear parallel between God in heaven transmitting his power to those who have been treated with injustice. But, I sense there is something there. Perhaps it's the idea, not so much the detailed, scientific explanation that holds the weight here. Nonetheless, I always remember the notion that the power of God often accumulates most on those who have been the most unjustly treated; to me this seems a perfect parallel to the dissipation of negative electrical energy that occurs with lightning strikes.

After further consideration the Apostles and Christ seemed to live in a state of spiritual charge. Storms come and go, so there doesn't seem to be a perfect analogy between the presence of the spirit manifesting God's power and annointing and the phenomenon of lightning. One other mythological element stood out as well. Zeus was said to throw lightning bolts. The idea being the divine sends powerful demonstrations of its majesty. Job said, "Will lightning flash at your command? (38:35) God clearly has control over this phenomenon and I am just trying to see if there is any greater truth that can be illustrated with this natural phenomenon, but the idea that the spiritual imbalance and atmosphere created by injustice can be dispelled and justice restored like the normal electrical chrages of a region.

For a few years now I have had, at the very least, the root idea of writing a book on several words in English which do not carry the weight or shades of meaning they did in Greek or Hebrew. It wasn't until a few weeks ago while researching some terms for work that I found the correct terms to precisely identify this phenomenon. In document indexing, computer scientists have seen a common linguistic phenomena cause problems. That is polysemy. In short, this is where one word can have multiple meanings. In English this works both ways. For instance, C. S. Lewis' legendary work, The Four Loves, delves to the very heart of this matter. He identifies four Greek words for the one English word love. By exploring the differences between the realities refered to by these words he shows that, even though they share a common label--the English word love--Lewis shows that one word does injustice in accurately reflecting or implying what is being symbolized.

Lewis' work is by far the most popular example of the type of work I feel inclined to work towards. My biggest struggle is how to write about these things without making it too heady, academic or dry. To me, these are exciting, powerful revelations. They transform and empower my faith. I guess I just need God to give a little wisdom about how to couch this message in the right language so people see the value without getting turned off by the packaging.

At any rate, some of the words I want to really focus on are truth, power, time and being. These are words right in the heart of the philosophical community, and they have been for a long time. In spite of my hopes to escape the philosophical, talk-based method of reaching out, I find this idea still with me. Usually when something like this doesn't go away I hvae a hard time dismissing it. This one in particular has been around for about 5 or 6 years now. Hopefully the 10 words to change your faith will become a real book one day!

Well, it has been way too long since I've had a chance, read that to mean energy, to post. The girls--and boy--are on vacation and I can actually find my two brain cells long enough to get them to spark a little. Since the last post, the biggest news has been the addition of our latest. William LeGrand Steele IV was born June 17, 2007. You can read the full, harrowing story at Kerri's blog (check the links). We have been adjusting to this ever since.

Of note was getting to see Josh Young worship and John Paul Jackson talk last night and this morning. I had contacted Josh a few months back about a musican I heard at church. He said to say hey when he came to town. I actually stayed home from vacation so I could go to the Streams night of worship. It was a hard decision but I was so determined to go to the night of worship, it was not much of a choice.

Anyhow, the worship was amazing. I knew Josh had a powerful presence of the Spirit on him, but, I've been longing for great worship for months and hearing him play was so refreshing! Praise God for good worship.

John Paul talked this morning on faith. It was a good sermon for me. Like so many other things lately, his teaching helped to crystalize some ideas very soundly in my mind. Below is a general outline of what he taught on. It was refreshing for me and it gave me a chance to see some things I believe will help through the next couple of weeks (read that to mean "season").

During some of my recent promptings it became apparent I am supposed to begin exploring the gift of teaching. About two years ago, while attending Southeast Vineyard in Baton Rouge, our pastor felt led to do an exercise where people walked up to a bag and pulled out a sheet of paper with one of the five gifts (Ephesians 4) listed on it. At the time I was in the throes of my introduction to Streams and was so high on revelatory breakthrough and my newfound identification with all things prophetic, that was the only thing I could even want to accept. And, as the Lord would have it, I picked out teacher. Well, shocking to no one, including myself, teaching was the one. Sharnael pointed out that she had gotten the same word from Bob Jones and was disappointed, but Bob noted that apostles were able to move in all the gifts. From this, I just noted that we are often given a starting place, teaching in my case, and grow from there. At any rate, I am beginning to focus on my call. Tonight, as I was digging through internet articles, I did stumble across a catholic encyclopedia entry discussing the different gifts listed in the Ephesians passage among others. What jumped out to me in this entry, though I am not fully agreeable to catholic doctrine, was the idea of the charismata. In my writings I have been discussing the idea of genius off and on simply because it was the closest concept upon which I could hang what I have been trying to communicate. As I noted the term charismata, which itself is hardly a new term to me, it came clear that the notion of genius, particularly the etymology and the general contextual roots of this concept, was not right for what I have been trying to express. Genius is more of a personal ability, an unusual gifting, but the focus is the self. Charismata, however, focuses on the fact that it is a gift, that is, something given to one, not innate in nature. As is true with so much of what I am learning is the spiritual walk Jesus laid out, genius is really more about self for most than charismata. We can't claim to have given ourself the gifts, in my case, the gift of teaching. And, furthermore, I must realize, if I am being honest with myself, that the gift is not really for me, it is from God, for others. I am simply the vessel. So, there was a major shift in my perception about a subtle distinction, but, one that cleared up some major cobwebs in my mind. All things considered, I am eager to look into the office/gift of teacher to see what the charismata itself suggests.

A few days ago Kerri and I went to one of Barbie's meetings. While talking with Steve I asked if he had any books that he could think of which discussed the office of teacher. The question really grew out of the disparity between the overwhelming number of books there are on apostolic, prophetic and evangelistic matters, yet, the lack of books of the office/gift of teacher. Steve said maybe it was my place to write one. I pray he is right! Not to mention how cool it was that, though I had been thinking about emailing Barbie for a month about exactly those resources, I didn't and lo and behold, that night, she noted that 2008 will be a year for annointed teachers to be released. I immediately leapt at the thought..."This is it!" Then I realized, if it is, I've got a lot of work to do. We'll see...

On another unrelated note, I heard a musician named Anthony Skinner on Streams Music over the past few weeks. One of his songs just absolutely floored me and it came back to mind while listening to a Vineyard disc. The Skinner song I flipped over is called "All I Want is you". It can be heard here: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/askinner. Just an awesome song. From his site I found several other awesome musicians and websites. Seems an answer to recent prayer requesting a new breath of music in my life. Praise God. Another musician I found recently, well, she actually came to our church, is Michelle Tumes. Great songs. Amazing annointing. I'm so eager to hear what happens with her over the next few years. Her site is located at: http://michelletumes.com/default.asp. For me, the one song that really spoke was "Hold on to Jesus". It's so envigorating that He is bringing a little life in such a dry spot of my life...I miss music and am glad he has brought some to me.

While doing some research on file type and library registrations I had a little bit of a random question. As I tried to find answers to the questions, I found a nice little resource about hidden file types. At a rather humorously titled site, Microsuck.com, I found a nice resource about a few switches I had never seen before. (The article is titled Microsoft's Really Hidden Files by the way.) Within the article it discusses explorer pre-configured masking of the IE and TIF (Temporary Internet Files) regardless of whether you modify the .ini files in these directories. What's more interesting, and here is where the switches begin to come into the picture, is the fact that DOS does not mention anything about these directory contents. In the article, it is discussed that you should go to these directory, use the dir command with an /as/s switch to display the contents. Now, you can't see the contents via Explorer even if you turn on the hidden files in the Folder Options >> View panel. Being an anti-Microsoft proponent this is an interesting arguing point, but, the extra piece of info gives a nice bit of leverage to extra otherwise inaccessible files. Furthermore, I discovered the Recycler (Recycled in pre-XP OS's) directory and was able to find some interesting contents on test machines with the /as/s switch there as well. You have to know the profile ID numbers for each profile on the machine, otherwise you're out of luck because, again, you cannot browse to the folder contents via Explorer, but you can access them with the /s[ecret] switch. This type of stone being turned over makes me wonder what other hidden directories I don't know about. I did run C:\dir /as/s > c:\testoutput\hidden.txt to find a nice accessible list, because, otherwise, I'd have to run a huge buffer for the DOS window. It took a while to process, but showed a lot of space Microsoft hidden directories consume. Neat stuff. I like CEH research.

While reading through some blogs of folks from a message board I frequent I realized that there are many more people I encounter these days who blog not to make an impact on the world, but rather, to record their thoughts. I find myself with my feet in one stream as much as the other. I think we must have record of our thoughts, mainly for posterity's sake. A while back I mentioned that specifically as being one of the reasons for my blogging. Yet, I find that I long for community at the same time. Blogging fashioned a bridge to allow me, and I think many others, with the opportunity to leave a trail of bread crumbs along the paths of our mindscapes and life's journey. At the same time, a need for community, a need to share this journey consistently presses into my heart and mind. Sometimes the notion that a given thought is pretty unique or possibly even original... Or the hope that what I'm experiencing may help someone in their growth and development... Perhaps the possibility that what I write will spur someone else to a new insight or revelation...

This type of hope is something that moves people to write, and for as long as most writers have put ideas in public form, the most practical solution. With the advent of the information explosion and public technology, the boundaries of distributing information have shifted. Now, people can express their ideas more easily and readily than ever before. Yet ,this has created a new dynamic: the problem of informational quality. Before, publishing was an educated person's privilege. As technology for publishing personal writing proliferated the percentage of educated writer's content dropped signficantly in the entire body of published writings. Now, readers have to think and be more crtical of what they allow their minds to consume more than ever. Anyone can open up a word processor and spout things, save the document and be done. Though publishing to the web had some restrictions just a decade ago, that baracade has been dropped with the advent of blogging and public systems whose aim is widespread, ease of access for basically anyone with internet connection.

So, there is a bit of a dichotomy now. With so many people sharing their lives, there is a newfound wealth of personal experiences from which to learn and study human lives...to explore human narratives...and to see how folks you might never meet in the ordinary course of events live. So, even though we are isolated more and more by life schedules and the unspoken walls erected by classism and the dictatorial nature of today's fear-based society of avoidance, we have this virtual insight into the lives behind the walls. We have to wonder how true and accurate these dialogues are. Most blogs are unread and most questionable thoughts, beliefs or experiences probably never get questioned because their isn't enough dialectic since dialectic requires others with which to dialogue. Their is a mixed blessing in this blog-manic society. More information than ever before with less critical review means the degree of potential error and danger is higher than ever before. So, as many wise folks have noted of the blogging revolution, take everything with a block of salt, there is still a new mass of raw material from which great riches can be obtained if the right mind and opportunity meet.

So, my Toshiba had a fit about 3 weeks ago and gave up the ghost. As it turns out, the DC jack pin cracked away from the housing (check out the picture for the villain here). The cheapest service I could find started at $99. Parts, labor and the time without my PC were not really on the top of my list of things to split with for more than a few days. Well, a little research led me to a nice little website with wholesale parts; the jack ran a little over $21. After I got the part, which in and of itself was a little process, I realized, even though my dad had been kind enough to leave behind is soldering gun and some solder, I didn't have any solder wick. With the part in hand, I decided I'd try and get my merit badge for PC disassembly and self repair. (I think that merit badge also passes for the one with bravery/stupidity mark on it.) Having never opened a laptop before, it was a little risky, but I knew exactly what was wrong and it was not any different from the board repair I used to have to do on control boards at Advendtech. It took me about 3 hours to get to the jack. The process of undoing the PC was quite roundabout. I realized this when, after I completely reassembled it in 15 minutes, I had to disassemble it and it took me about 20 minutes. To keep from jumping ahead too much, I had to head to my trusty Radio Shack. I picked up a nice 40 watt solder gun with replaceable tips, 5 feet of wick, some copper solder, a desoldering vacuum and a heating desoldering gun. I'd never seen a desoldering gun with a vacuum bulb on it and, having had issues with solder in the past, knew how nice a tool that would be to have. (So, any of my friends that need solder gear, call me up!) Even though I completely cleaned the solder, it took me a while to get it off for fear of cracking the board. It was in the board very snuggly. It did come off though and I managed to get the new piece in. So, for about $58 I managed to repair my Toshiba. As a matter of fact, I'm using it to make this entry right now! That's about the most exciting thing I've done in a while aside from some C# info I've dug up that makes a little program I'm working on that much closer to coming together.

Catching up...

My parents were in this weekend for a visit. Kerri and I did our first couple's shower, and, from the looks of it, I wasn't the only guy who was being initiated into the club of men who have done couple's showers. In spite of our introduction to the new concept, it turned out to be a lot of fun for all.

Also of note, my sole athlete these days, Marius Nel, a 38-year old South African middle distance runner, managed to win the 800m age-group national title and silvers in the 400m and 1,500m this year. Last year, our first year working together, he came in as an unheralded 37 year-old and snuck out with the gold in both 800m and 1,500m. This year, he had some competition from a 1,500m runner who had gotten snubbed last year. The 400m, a new event for Marius proved to be surprising as he placed well against a sub-50 guy after having won the 800 and placing second in the 1,500m. It was more of a fun event for him, but he did great nonetheless. Congrats Marius. Next step, World Championships in Italy in September.

As far as more typical fare for this blog, I had two interesting points really come up this week. The first, and more recent of the two, was last night. While reading 1 Samuel 12 I stumbled across the following comment by Samuel himself.

As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by failing to pray for you.

This particular line really jumped out at me because it tweaked the idea of praying for others. It's said through Scripture we should pray for others, but no where is it so clear to me we must pray for others to avoid sin. Perhaps the New Testament considers this more of an implied responsibility, particularly for intercessors and prayer warriors. Either way, the idea of being held accountable for not praying takes it a step further than failing to be fully responsible. Now, it can be put forward that, since Samuel was a priest, it was clearly within his responsibilities to offer petitions and prayers on behalf of the people. Implied from this can be the conclusion that most people are not therefore potentially guilty for not praying. However, I want to take it in a positive direction and intimate that we are to consider this an instance where the law is a shadow of the heavenly realities and failing to pray for others is not a sin-worthy offense but rather we see praying for others with the same gravity, only in terms of love. We are required by God to pray for others as an act of love. When we get to heaven and God asks us did you learn to love, we should be able to say, an act of expressing that love, we prayed, that, yes, we learned to love because of our prayers lifted to the Lord on their behalf.

Another note...

Earlier this week I managed to get out of the office a little early. I called Kerri to tell her I was done and she said, "I know, Page told me about 30 seconds ago that you were ready to be picked up." Just another instance of our little prophet. Lord, fill her with character and the fruit of your Spirit as well as a greater measure of your faith. From these may she grow in her gifts to honor and serve you. Thank you for giving Kerri and I such wonderful children and fill us with wisdom, love and character that we may help these people grow to the fullness for which you have created them through our instruction, love and guidance!

Divine appointments are all around us. I remember reading a long time ago that many eastern cultures often treat strangers as if they might be God. In Scripture, Hebrews 13:2, it says, "Be not forgetful of strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares." Today, while getting gas after Kerri picked me up I stepped out of the van thinking, almost feeling, someone was going to come up and talk to me. I saw no one, but was not surprised when an older African American man came up asking if he could pump my gas or wash the winshield on the van. I tend to wait until people act to gauge where they're coming from, so, I didn't think anything specific about him because he seemed to be nothing other than a man trying to help and possibly make a few dollars if he could. Unlike other people in this scenario I heard him talking to all sorts of pople, only, he started talking about scriptural truths. Part of mind began to think, okay, even satan knows scripture, but, it wasn't really a pressing notion. Instead I talked to him. I felt compelled to ask him about a dream, but just talked to him. As I was getting ready to he said, "Anything you can give." I said, "I can give you prayer." To a little surprise he was very receptive. I prayed for this guy, in the middle of 6pm Friday gas station traffic as fully as I would pray in church. Then he prayed over me. It was a very interesting encounter.

I was reminded of some of my other odd encounters and wonder how many people find themselves in the quirky places I seem to stumble into...mostly at gas stations. There was one time I got into a theological discussion with a satanist at a gas station on New Year's eve in Florida. Another time I met a druid who proceeded to hit on me (he was a man by the way) and who definitely had something supernatural going on with him. He was very much reading mail...I could tell by how he was fashioning his conversation. Lots of interesting, weird experiences at gas stations come to think of it. These always remind me of how much I like to pray. Thank God for giving me a passion for prayer. I feel that my desires for outreach are growing and my fear of going to streets are diminishing thanks to encounters like this. Lord, let your power fall that I may lead people to you through your grace and mercy.

Pager the revelatory girl

Yesterday I had to run to work to restart some of the machines because of the bad weather that blew through the night before. About 30 seconds before I came home Page turned to Kerri and said, "Daddy's home." Kerri replied, "I didn't hear the garage door open." Page walked to the other side of the kitchen about which time the door started to open. Kerri said to Page, I guess you were right. We get humbled when we do this quite often. We have learned to trust a lot of Page's foreknowings. She has known, within 3 days of conception, every time Kerri has been pregnant. We often jokingly ask each other if we should ask Page about things before they happen. Of course, with things like this, we are only half joking and even that percentage is dropping with each new things like this she does. Lord, help us, as parents, encourage and foster this gift as you have called us to.

Several years ago I avowed to learn Hebrew. I have a slight penchant for languages, but when I tried the first time, wasn't truly dedicated in this pursuit and didn't it make it much further than the alphabet. At times I've had visions of interesting things in Hebrew, phrases or images. But, I still have yet to truly learn the language. On Friday, while listening to some of John Paul's Fireside Chats, he was asked a question regarding Hebrew. As he responded to the question I thought I might like to resume pursuit of the language itself.

During another Fireside Chat this week, John Paul mentioned the pattern of choice and character formation. I will have to find the exact pattern, but essentially, thought leads to choice which leads to action which leads to habit which leads to attitudes which leads to character. This pattern has given me a nice structure on which to begin analyzing my life and perform some soul searching so I can pursue a deepened degree of order in my life. It is really a response to a call I feel God has placed in my heart to clean up my act. Nonetheless, I was very, very pleased to stumble across a website regarding Hebrew thinking which had a subpage called "Clear Thinking". On this page it says:

Many of the problems we experience in our lives, both individually and corporately, result from a lack of clarity in our thinking about what is real, true, and essential. It is rare indeed to find a person who takes the time to think clearly about things. Too often our fast-paced, over-stimulated, jacked-up society simply acts like a pack of Pavlovian dogs responding to the bells and whistles of the postmodern “techno culture” rather than as rational agents created in the image and likeness of God.

It doesn’t have to be that way. We can break free of the hypnotic conformity that surrounds us if we are willing to acquire the skill of intelligently listening to the thoughts that are inside our heads - and inside the heads of others in our society. These thoughts, of course, evidence themselves as decisions, which lead to actions, which lead to character formation (inward) and cultural expression (outward).

This section of the site is devoted to the appreciation of clear thinking. With the aid of clear thinking and the impartation of wisdom from God, we can be better equipped to “rightly divide the word of truth” and thereby know the truth, which, as the Master has said, will set us free.

Though I am not necessarily aiming to reinforce my intellectual disposition, this is precisely my heart's desire and has been for a long time. I long to remove character flaws that reside in my mind. Learning to think clearly, that is, to have common sense and abide in truth as God reveals it to me, is a major goal of my life. Several years ago, and many times in between, I have begun a pursuit of logic in order to understand the laws of the mind that I may truly be armed for protection against others, myself and the enemy as well as to possess the skills needed, as Paul had, to disarm people in their foolishness and incorrect thinking. I guess my biggest set back is typically not staying alert enough and maintaining my awareness to enact what I have know. Lord, renew my heart and mind that I shall hear the moments of kairos when lies and self-deception may be unveiled, when false opinions can be crushed and grant me the mercy to speak truth in love that you may be glorified, honored and accepted as God's chosen.

As seems to be the consistent trend of late, God talked to me a lot during service this morning. Here are a few of the things he remarked upon:

1. A long time ago I began to have a deep-seated suspicion of Paul's teachings. They are so different from Jesus' and the Apostle's teachings that I feel like he is an alien influence of sorts. One of my favorite passages, but one I also discounted the most, was Paul's usage of temple language when discussing the human body (1 Cor. 6:19). Yet, today, though I had probably read it a dozen times, God highlighted the verse in John 2:21 where John writes, after Jesus' clearing of the Temple, "...The temple he had spoken of was his body." The only thing clearer than that would have been Christ himself using that language. Every time I try to discount Paul's teachings, something else comes up and leads me to think it's not really as I once saw it.


2. Probably the biggest point He made today revolved around a few attitudes and struggles I have been having of late. I wrote a few weeks back about frustration and have been quietly wrestling with a sense of meaninglessness with regards to my personal life and work. While fumbling through some passages I came to Romans 8:18. The first sentence caught my eye, but it was the word "frustration" that really jumped out at me. Reading through the entire post, I felt a very clear response to my pleadings with the Lord to help me understand what is going on in my life. The body of Romans 8:18-21 reads as follows:
   
   

   I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed to us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

   
   The creation referred to here is "ktisis". An excellent discussion of the term, as is it used by Paul in this passage, is discussed by Rich Deem is discussed here. In this passage, Deem outlines that the creation alluded to by Paul must be a rational, and therefore, human creation. Within the context of the passage, he also outlines that this creation can be concluded as being the Gentile body the gospel is aimed to reach.
   That being said, my own frustration ties more closely with the futility of an unredeemed mind. Were I to be submitting to Christ in all things, I would have a different attitude about the struggles in my life. They are not, as Paul writes, worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed to us." As I pray through this and God continues to give me mercy and revelation, He is showing and molding me to have a more Christ-like attitude and ultimately, a God-like character. Praise God for his revelation and loving kindness.
   Even more interesting than this, the passage that caught my attention, is that the editors of the bible I use titled the next section "More than Conquerers". Romans 8:37 pinpoints a stronger point. The inherent meaning of my name, William, is "conquerer" or "resolute defender" depending on the etymology; at times I see that as being very significant because I feel faced with great warfare that I feel God calls me to overcome...to conquer. But, putting this into the context of this recent bit of insight, I am inclined to hear that God is aiming to give me peace about the sense of meaninglessness and frustration I have in my life.
   Beyond this gift of understanding, I am to understand, and actively move forward with my choices and attitudes, being aware that, in as much as my namesake impels me to overcome and conquer, Paul's writings indicate that the innate drive commanded by my namesake stops short of God's call. In fact, we are called to realize, reflecting back on Paul's statement in verse 18, that he spoke of the incomparable glory to which our troubles might be compared , verse 35 recalls this point and reminds us that nothing shall separate us from his love. That glory is beyond the realm of conquering, a glory of inseparable love, which even our problems, not matter how great, cannot steal, kill or destroy. Conquerers overcome and cast down, but, their power is one of passing right. Christ's love, on the other hand, shall never be overcome. Once it is in us, it cannot be replaced. Nothing we face can compare to this. This is a deeply powerful truth and I pray God would help me to sear it into the depths of my being so I can live as one who is more than a conquerer.


3. 
   

Are the sinners in your life really sinful enough?

I wonder at times if I inject myself far enough into the world to draw God's power as fully as He wants to demonstrate it. My first answer is, sure, there are sinners everywhere, we're all sinners. But, my second glancing blow at the question sticks a little bit more. Jesus hung out with prostitutes (I don't do that), tax collections (I don't do that), sick and dying-if not dead-people (I don't do that), the outcast (I don't do that) and the generally all-around-unaccepted-and-unacceptable people in our society. So, how do I do that?

As a parent, I think, I don't want my kids exposed to things that could give them bad influences. But, then I am forced to think of the Apostles. Peter most likely had children. We know he was married because Jesus healed his mother-in-law. Mother-in-laws only come in one flavor, though marriage relationships. To imagine Peter having children is really not a far stretch at this point. So, I wonder, what did Peter think? Did he ever wonder if his kids were going to get a bad influence as he followed Jesus around healing leprosy, talking to Samaritan women and healing the dead?

In today's world, we are so afraid of these things that we isolate ourselves from those who need us most. I know as a parent, I don't want prostitutes in my house because they might do things that will make my children go ways that are potentially sinful. But, in reality, I think Christ would be saddened by this. This quietly presumes that God is not capable of protecting my kids. I guess part of it is the idea that I do not feel truly capable of protecting my kids and my wife from the things that might enter our lives when we open those doors.

Sometimes people who are on the edge of society are less concerned with obeying societies rules and tend to do more of what they want or need to do regardless of the consequences. That kind of abandon frightens me. What if a crack addict we try to heal doesn't accept Christ, breaks into my house and kills one of my kids? Or, what if one of the prostitutes we try to heal has AIDS and affects one of us? These are real questions, but certainly not things God can't take care of. I guess I confess my fear outweighs my faith at this point and pray that God will give me the courage to do the things he places in my spirit regardless of what my mind presents as valid reasons for not doing these things.

I think about the irony of 1 Corinthians. This book of the Bible is often one of the most cited, most "Christian" books in the entire New Testament. It talks about love, spiritual gifts and the Body of Christ. But, people forget that Paul was writing a congregation that had orgies, sexual sin, pride, incest and internal division and strife as some of the more obvious issues going on in their midst. Now, let me ask you, if your church was in this state, would you still be attending it? I know it was a different time and sexual practices were more tied to religion of that day, but, still, these people had some major sin issues.

At the heart of the fact is this: Paul was allowed to speak some of the most powerfully unpacked applications of Christ's life in this epistle because the sin was so great. Indeed, corporate education is needed to impact the ignorance and lack of faith demonstrated by these people because fundamental understandings and principles of Christ was truly grasped in this body. Minor issues are easily dealt with, but, the great power of Christ is most clearly displayed where the most deficient segments of relationship and understanding of God are. For me, to impact the way the Apostles impacted, I have to do something radical, something that goes to the root of the situation, and go where their is the most ignorance of Christ, both as the result of negligence and as the result of willful rejection. There Christ, as he did with the Corinthians, can do the most good. It is those who don't know that can be affected the most, because if you do know and simply don't do, you are responsible for your own lack of responsiveness to the call of Christ.

Salvation.

In all of my experience with Christianity, no other single word has been so misunderstood than salvation. I'm sure there are plenty of other concepts that just get the living spirit beaten out of them, robbed of meaning and stripped of their significance. But, from almost every encounter I've had with unchurched folks, salvation tends to be the most rejected of them all.

Alright, so, people get confused or don't care to understand salvation like I do. So what? I think it's more than a so what. It's a real, pertinent matter that affects quality of life, which is really just focused on the individual, and quality of society, which does extend beyond the individual but remains limited in its scope. Here are some reasons why.

• Salvation is about protection. This is far and away the most important truth. One of the fundamental questions in philosophy rests on this premise that one must decide whether they are the most powerful being in the universe or they are not and there is at least one or more more powerful beings in the universe. Now, most people would defer to the latter, but there are circles of thought which prove otherwise.
  
  If you think you are the most powerful being in the universe, I have to defer to God on that logic because only power can shake that deception and even in that case, deception may persist. On the other hand, someone who acknowledges a higher power at least leaves room for discussion. They acknowledge something greater than themselves. That is often a matter of identifying what they subscribe their fears and hopes to and working from there.
  
  In either case, salvation addresses the issue of protection. When Jesus offers salvation, he offers protection from God and our judgment for sins as well as the attack of the enemy in our daily lives. Many people who do not accept salvation basically reject the notion on the grounds that they don't need protection. They think:
  
  
  
  1. there is really nothing to be afraid of
  
  
  2. they can take care of themselves or
  
  
  3. nothing can be done about it anyway.
  
  
  
  
  In each of these cases there are specific responses that can deliberately and logically respond. But, I don't want to apply logic, I want to apply love. What is is about this person that they live in fear, the opposite of love, which prevents them from accepting there is something to fear. Is it because the illusion thre is nothing to fear less frightening than the reality itself? Or in the second case, is the idea of one being incapable of dealing with something too much to handle? Lastly, does resigning oneself to powerlessness justify it in their minds because they are a victim?
  
  There are a great many responses, lies in reality, people try to offer in defense of rejecting salvation, but, many of these are based on temporal perspectives. We all need protection. There are forces, visible and invisible, we have no control over. But, in accepting that God has control over them and He is willing to guard us, we are able to find safety from these powers. As clever as many of today's "secular" thinkers are, it's never very stylish to realize one day that you are in the middle of a field with no one around, completely vulnerable, waiting for attack. That's one of the most horrible feelings I can think of.



• Salvation is not lip-service. Salvation is a matter of actually living in such a way that one honors their beliefs. In another frame of reference, we have to line up with what God says about his ways in order for Him to protect us. In the gospels, Christ talks about people who know his name but who will not be accepted into the Kingdom. I don't want to be one of these people rejected for loving God with my lips and my lips alone. This means feeding the poor, being the last, willfully and joyfully praising God in all things, loving the unlovable, preaching the good news to the poor. Not a single one of these things is popular, easy or normal in today's world. We have to go out of our way to find Jesus in our lives, but, by going out of our way, we begin to get close to where the spirit is. He isn't in the middle of the TV most of the time. Why do you think sister Teresa was considered such a powerful force even though almost nothing she did made television.
  
  If it's public, it's often not something God is paying attention to. We need to help those in shame, in guilt, in pain, in lost, deceived places. How many people want those things to be exposed? How many people want to be ridiculed and rejected? Society frowns upon such things. It's the very nature of social life. People generally only meet to deals with needs and desires. Typically, common gatherings of needs and desires are exchanges between different groups. People in need, like the needs mentioned above, don't have anything to give, so, society, in the "social" sense, isn't interested in them. They require giving without expecting anything in return. Society, in its most basic tendency, aims to give in expecting a comparable or superior return to the thing given, whether it's time, energy, thought, entertainment, etc.
  
  Lip service is often the way of most society, the church being no exception. So, I have to ask myself, what do I have to do in order to really love? In my mind I think of things that require me getting in people's lives. Look at Jesus, he went to people's houses, ate with them, spent time with them, told stories, listened, shared. They built experiences together. Jesus was invasive. I want to be invasive with my love because most people will not show you their woundedness unless you make it known that you want to help. At best, I want to do as Christ called me to do in Matthew 28:18-20. And I can't make any disciples without first teaching what Christ did worthy of learning. The only way to teach what Christ did is to do it. The didactic of Christ is action. Lip-service is possibly the greatest deception in all of Christianity and I can no longer pretend that this hypocrisy in my life is justifiable. He will not protect us if we don't do as he did, because that is the earmark of someone who is not one of his brothers.

I got somewhat lost in this because I am in a transitional place where I am trying to really get grounded in my life and move to a place where I am doing God's work. Waiting for tomorrow and letting people live out the rest of their daily demise without speaking up for Christ is just cowardice. I so rarely feel the opportune moments, the kairos, but, truth be told, I so rarely put myself in a place to feel whether a door is ready to open or not that I'm not doing what I know in my heart and spirit needs to be done.

Lord, increase my faith and courage that I may love you as Christ loved you. Open and heal my fearful soul that it will glorify you by reaching to the lives of others without reservation but will transparently and wholly give to others what you have given to me. I know that giving creates a greater capacity to give, so, Lord, let me give what you need me to give. Whether its time, love, coats, words of knowledge, money or encouragement, let me know what your will is and move into a place of powerful humility. Praise be to Jesus Christ, Yahweh and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Last Tuesday Kerri and I had the distinct privilege of being able to make it to one of Barbie's TNT events. We were glad to see her first Dallas representation and heard and saw some great things. One thing that stuck out was a picture she had shown before, but, about which she showed us something new.

During a conference someone had taken photos trying to capture pictures of orbs. This one particular photo she had showed one. Yet, upon closer examination, and zooming in, it showed what appears to be the outline of a person in worship. Early this morning, around 3am, I woke up from a dream. After waking, I began thinking of this image and it occurred to me that perhaps the person in the orb was someone, not an angel, who was praying in the spirit. God translated their spirit to the conference for a moment, and then returned them back to their actual place and time.

I have had moments in prayer or worship where I would be somewhere else momentarily then back in my normal space-time location. These moments always eluded me as to their nature, but it seems that this instantaneous translation might be a key to understanding what's going on.

It makes sense. The Holy Spirit goes where faith is present. Faith is a substance (Hebrews 11) and worshipers worshiping in truth and spirit would possess faith. Faith is to the Holy Spirit as oxygen is to the human being: necessary and present in times of presence. In this sense, the Holy Spirit goes where their is faith. Likewise, in worship, the Holy Spirit may seek to provide people a glimpse, and a brief touch, of the events going on in a different place, a conference, a worship service, a sermon. In those moments, people could easily be translated from one place, to the Holy Spirit's gathering, then back to their proper place.

I strongly believe there is something along these lines that God showed me about how and why people show up in spirit at a place, then disappear. That would be a major way to explain orbs. People peeking into a space=time from another place.

Two interesting thoughts have come to mind of late: 1) the idea of order and authority and 2) consciousness and genius.

Order and Authority

Over the past 6 months I have had a driving desire to create order in my life. If you know me at all, order, or at least, organization, is not one of my hallmark traits. Well, that is changing, and, it's changing in a big way. When we moved into our current house we had stuff that had been in boxes since we moved to Dallas that, before that, had been in boxes from our house in Baton Rouge that, before that...well, you get the drift.

After having grown tired of not being able to find things and just getting fed up with clutter, I began to sort through paper, stuff folders, label, filter, file...you got, organize. In this process, and here's the heart of this post, I began to see how much easier certain aspects of life could be. Finding paperwork was not a struggle. Keeping things orderly was much easier. Yet, deeper than that, I realized that I found a growing awareness of control over the affairs of my life.

This awareness led me to connect the notion that we are only able to get promoted to the next level once we have mastered our current level. This sounds much less profound out of context than it is for me while I'm realizing it. Translating this to the spiritual arena, I am creating order in my life. Once I reach the level of order I am meant to have in my life, I will then be ready to move to the next level where I shall find new things that have to be ordered. Yet, in this process, I am learning the importance of order and maintaining order.

To me this is an awesome realization because I connect the idea of kosmos, as Gregory Vlastos discusses it, as being an active force. In Scripture, an amazing act of God was the creation and sustaining of order. Paul commends his audience in Colossians 2:5 saying, "I delight to see how orderly you are". In this sense, Paul is referring to the act of arranging in order. It is an act of establishment.

Perhaps that is the deep-seated joy I feel, a settling, a call to rest. Granted, order is not only something that must be established, but it must also be maintained regularly. Until this point in my life I only saw order as a moment in time, and, in a way, there is no continuous order. But now, I see order and an ongoing necessity, and this has helped to understand how believers must actively establish their authority over their lives. Unless this authority, this order, is constantly maintained our blessing becomes a curse. Without exercising the authority God calls of those he blesses, we can easily become overwhelmed by his provision and lose the right to continue growing in our calling.

I thank God for blessing, for the transfer of his wealth, but I thank God more so for the ability and wisdom to know how to receive and possess the blessing he pours out. Without improvements to my character, to my soul, I could never truly receive what he has called me to do because I would not be demonstrating his active/act of order. We are called to grow in our understanding of God and, in this case, I believe the only way I could fully appreciate God's mystery of order was to learn it firsthand.

Consciousness and Genius

I often marvel at people like Mozart who could hear a symphony and identify the most minute of misplayed notes amongst a sea of music without err or effort. People like Shakespeare whose rhapsodic use of language is unlike any others that has come since in the English language...or Van Gogh, whose art transcends the boundaries of two dimensions, colors and a canvas. These creators, these innovators have always possessed an air of otherworldliness, superhuman powers and amazing abilities for me.

That people such as these exist and do remarkable, often incomprehensible, things is hardly groundbreaking. But, understanding what it is like to be them, to glimpse through their minds for just a moment, that would be profound, life-altering and magnificent. One aspect of the works and lives of these men is captured in the abnormal degree of presence they possess in their works. They can command and communicate through their works such a high degree of depth and reality that it simply escapes the reach of comparison when we try to hold other, similar works next to them.

How do they do it? Remember entire scores for symphonies, or, like Joyce spouting Shakespeare to a copy to avoid getting a ticket, recall entire chapters of writing without effort...how do they do that? Part of it is engrossment and the degree of awareness these men possess. You cannot create or express such detail in work unless you know it is there. To be aware of the depth and magnitude of detail these works often embody is not normal. Indeed, that is a major key in knowing how to grasp what these men and women are doing. They see more than others so they can say and show more than others. That major realization helped me to get a grip on what lies at the heart of seeing like a genius.

But, what in the world does awareness have to do with genius? Unless I can begin to cultivate an increasing degree of awareness I will never grow closer to understanding how the greatest of great minds grasp things. Yet, in all this I have to constantly know, some people can simply do things others will never be able to. I can never play basketball like Michael Jordan or speak 24 languages like Marx's mentor. I can, however, grow in these areas...and knowing that greater awareness makes for greater realization is one of the most important things I can understand in that process.

Ordinary people can do this...at least they can grow in their awareness. For example, take people who are caught in life-threatening situations, a robbery, or, life-changing situations, a wedding. Often times people remember every detail of these events. Colors are brighter, smells become permanently planted in the brain, certain phrases spoken in these moments can be perfectly recalled years later. This altered state of consciousness is nothing new, but it is something most people do not tap into on a regular basis. That is what training is for.

Children can often tap into these trancelike states easily. Baby Einstein movies, Disney movies, certain music, sights and sounds enrapture children and completely absorb them. These things embrace their young minds and brains. Likewise, we too can becomes completely absorbed in experiences, but we have to regress to a place where we can move into that impressionable state. Geniuses, returning to the point at hand, often access this realm more easily because their abilities afford them the luxury of not having to contend with day-to-day life.

In fact, being abnormal in this respect often cultivates the ability to live on the cusp of all-consuming consciousness and ordinary consciousness. Since many geniuses are prodigious and have their way of life embraced early on, the membranes of consciousness typically reserved for childhood are not strengthened as they are in others and their youthful ability to vacillate between creativity and normalcy remains strong as long as they continue to develop and use their abilities.

Since the impediments of normal development are often pardoned as being unnecessary for these children they are given sort of a free reign in this arena. With the rest of us, however, we have to unlearn ourselves. We have to push, prod and stretch the parts of ourselves that have become rigid, calloused, inflexible. Sometimes these are ideas or beliefs, such as, "I can't possibly ever understand art like Picasso." At other times, we have to force ourselves into new areas, like finding that thing which totally engrosses us. It may not be easy, and will take us through many things, but, when we do find it, will speak to us like nothing else has, like a voice heard long ago, whispering, "I'm glad to see you, welcome home." We can all grow to where we were and, in the process, open the door to where we're supposed to go.

I am firmly convinced that every single person has a unique purpose for being alive. That is part of God's plan. It requires us to realize we need others at all times, but to also realize others need us as well. With this balance in mind, I see that unique purpose, that genius of the individual, as being a source of great power. We can see that we have some unique and special thing to offer the world. We, in a way, are geniuses of ourselves. As such, we have an awareness, a giftedness that no one else can possibly have. That is what we have to contribute to the world in a way no Mozart or Einstein could ever match. Our calling is the power of our genius.

The most challenging obstacle is to not get caught up in the trap of comparing our calling with other's calling. Paul talks about this in 1 Corinthians 12. We are each called for a special purpose and trying to be something we are not called to be not only prevents us from achieving God's will for us, it also prevents others from achieving their destiny because you're out there trying to their job and not doing your own. So, being aware of your call allows God's kingdom to grow even faster because we are working with others in way that not only allows other's strengths to shine, but, in the process, allows ours to grow with theirs in a way nothing else can come close to matching.

At the new year I began one of my mid-term goals: pursuit of MCSD certification. I managed to get about 15 books for .NET 2.0 because it's being ousted by the 3.0 package and Vista. Nonetheless, I need to get my C# skills down before I worry about the new implementations offered by 3.0. At any rate, I wrapped up my first 3 month series of readings from John Sharp's C# 2005 Step by Step. I learned a great deal and am somewhat capable now I can write small, desktop apps with some basic functionality. Enough to develop light tools for helping at work with analysis of different files. Overall, I am happy to have finished stage one. Only 11 more to go and then I think I'll be ready to give the MSCD tests a shot. Right now I'm working on Developing Windows-Based Applications with Microsft Visual C#.NET. Seemed like a natural progression. I don't know enough about ASP.NET to move into web-based apps and I certainly am missing details for dealing with .xml-web-based applications beyond that. With that in mind, I still believe that after that, I want to try and shoot for the MCPD. But, first, I've got to be able to crawl!

On another area of interest, I've been thinking about something that, at least in my gut, bothers me about what it might imply, but, trusting God, will explore anyway. Last week it occurred to me, after listening to a talk in which C. S. Lewis' concept of the four loves was mentioned, it popped into my head that love, as a notion, ties much more closely with the body than we often think. I specifically started thinking about love and emotions. When people "feel" love, they don't feel love in their toe. They often feel it in their chest or heart region. And thoughts. When we refer to thoughts, again, we don't refer to our toes when identifying where thoughts occur.

Where I'm going with this is that many of the soul activities we refer to have correlations with specific regions of the body. Now, one thought is that we might be feeling partial expressions of the true emotion. For instance, love, in its full form, might be felt throughout the entire body. Mystics talk about the mind encompassing their entire being, knowing everything in their body. These larger than life experiences are probably more akin to the types of full-life use of the soul we were meant to have. However, most people live fractions of what they are capable of, and this explains why only regions of the body can be isolated manifestations of these soul experiences. I just find it curious as to why we feel certain emotions in certain regions and only certain regions.

Not much...and a lot...going on at the same time. Two big projects at work, back to back nonetheless, got me pretty whipped over the past two weeks. The nice thing is that the hard work allowed me to get Thursday and Friday off this weekend, so, in the end, a nice four day weekend. What a great treat.

My parents are in town for the weekend as well. We have already worked on the yard, from the outside in. At the moment, my dad's working on Liam's room making it a nice shade of sky blue. Also, we're going to add some lights in the master bedroom. Whoever designed the house only put a single overhead cannister for the main source of light. One way to do it. Perhaps they were of the philosophy that lamps are a good thing.

Looks like it'll be a productive weekend.

On the thinking side of things, I have a few little things that have popped into my head. After reading Barbie's article on the Faith Realm it came clear that the distinction between faith and belief makes sense only if you look at it in the light of action. Believing, from what I noticed today, should be drawn from our lives. Our beliefs are truly manifest in how we live our lives. If we don't do what we say we believe, we don't really believe it. Otherwise, beliefs are really nothing more than ideas we like to talk about. For me, the clarification that belief, with an emphasis on action, is novel. Before it was an abstract truth from which we associate action. Yet, to truly and rightly judge one's beliefs, one can only study actions...not vice versa.

I guess one of the dangers here would be to suggest a moral judgement system based on the belief grounded solely in action. Reason being that this eliminates the possibility of growth. This assumes that a snapshot of action or behaviour would intimate future actions for the basis for gauging beliefs, but I'm simply trying to indicate, without getting too far off base, that the future is still the realm of the unknowable--without revelation. Since this is not a Newtonian billiard ball universe, beliefs based on behavior do not include the realm of faith and the fact that we can believe things and act accordingly though the reasons for those things are not yet manifest. I guess, after thinking about it a little, you could still suggest that beliefs can be help (and actions performed on those grounds) though no cause, other than faith, supports those beliefs. The beliefs are still validated by action...it's more the causal justification, verifiable evidence, such as the things which are believed in, would be lacking.

Here is where the dynamic of prophecy and belief becomes challenging. Only the invisible poses this problem. If we belief things which we can justify with experience or proof, then we are capable of demonstrating the validity of our beliefs. Yet, God wants us to act without proof. For that, we need belief. In this vein of thought, prophecy, at least in the sense of foretold events, requires action without proof. That is the only major dynamic that creates a tension with regards to faith in action as far as I can see.

Truth and language.

I've touched on this before, but don't think I've ever clearly pointed out this note. Truth and language are so closely connected that without one, the other can't exist. In the case of truth, language is the medium through which truth can be manifest. A way to point this out is to focus on a case where there is not language. In a forest a man who has never had contact with another person knows nothing of falsehood because he has never been lied to. Trees don't lie. They do not misrepresent themselves. Animals don't lie. Nature has nothing false about it. Without ever meeting another person, falsehood could never be introduced into our mythical man's mind.

Putting this man into social life with other people, yet devoid of language, the man still has nothing to convey falsehood. Yet, with communication, with common communication, come the potential for lies. It's clear that language and truth have such a common bond that one rests on the other as a foundation. On a side note, the fact that Scripture talks about the Word as the formative basis for creation...think John 1...suggests that Jesus, i.e., the Word, the Truth, has an inherent bond much as is revealed by the mythical man example. Without Christ, without the Word, no Truth can be known.

I want to delve into the idea of language and truth after I review Kent's talks more in depth, but I've got to transcribe those and don't feel like it tonight.

Frustration. That's generally the theme of this post.

I could write the grocery list of things that easily fall under this category, but, more pervasive is the general fact that much of my life lends to this emotion right now. The most recent event that comes to mind was from service this morning. Since we have begun to go to RBFC Kerri has been able to become involved in a great many things: Bible study, community group, mother's day out, even the latest addition a basic service ministry handing out fliers. Nothing barn-burning there, but involvement. Ironically, for the first time in our marriage, the tables are turned. Near the time of Page's birth, Kerri felt like the caged animal. A baby, no time or energy to go anywhere and I was off gallivanting around Baton Rouge and Texas doing things with different church groups and organizations.

Well, three years later, my life consists of work and time at home. I might make it to church 3 times a one on a good month when kids aren't sick, I'm not completely dead from work or some other off-the-wall scenario hasn't popped up. So, having gone from learning of the great things God is up to with revelatory ministries for the first time to being a corporate slave with no spiritual connections or community has been a slap in the face.

Of course, I hear God speaking to me in all this. Kerri tells me encouraging things at my worst moments when I actually bark about what's going on. At times, God talks to me, but overall, I am either ignoring him (still mad at the way things are) or just plain to far away to hear what he's saying. The worst thing of all is that fact that I know what's going on and am too lazy and apathetic to stop my self-indulgent pity and turn my heart and soul towards him. Lord, please forgive me for my rejection of the circumstances into which you have placed me and my family. I admit I have sinned and fallen short of the calling you have personally placed in my heart and spirit.

Of particular frustration this morning was a small snippet about a Bible-study beginning tomorrow night on Revelation. I thought, and quickly grew excited, about the prospect of seeing something revelatory spring up in the church with which I could get involved. Finally, an opening. I noted it to Kerri after she finished her Connecting Points ministry and went on. On the way home, I asked her about and she asked if I thought she should go. I said, "No, I was planning on going." At this point, she pointed out that it was a women's study. I just shook my head in, you guessed it, frustration. One more thing I thought might break my dark night, rejected.

I don't know what it is that God's trying to get across to me that prolongs this dark night. I have ceased my striving in areas once bordering on idolatry. There are things I have not completed, some of my small tasks. Blogging the thoughts he gives me during Sunday service since many of them make me feel inadequate (the Ephesians book and the dream service in the neighborhood). Yet, I often wonder, like I'm sure many people do, how many of these "ideas" are really of him and how many are of my own invention? Am I really still striving, just in a new way?

Yesterday I was thinking about how, at times, I want to pray and be someone who dances around the house, hands raised, filled with exaltation and free of care what people think. But, it's not about other's opinions, it's about a form of expression that doesn't glorify God the way I feel he deserves honor. Sure, I could easily get lost in thinking that my emphasis here is on my own inferiority and my unwillingness to do what I think is really about myself, but right now, in my life, God isn't the king and more discipline, more gritting my teeth doesn't seem like the answer. To me, that's all just striving.

I'm not trying to be smart about my love for God, because it's not brains that God wants. I'm trying to be real with him in a way that I haven't yet, and, honestly, I don't know what that is. Of course, therein lies the soil of newness...of opportunity. When we struggle and pursue God into the dark, hard places of ourselves, we can feel unproductive, hardened, dead to life because we are facing the strongholds in our life. I sincerely hope part of what is going on nowadays in my life revolves around this growth opportunity, in spite of the fact that my soul senses pointlessness and unfruitful labor.

I wonder, when reading Paul's talk of the fruit of the Spirit, how many of those fruits were present how much of the time. For instance, I think that the apostles, after the Holy Spirit filled them, were so enraptured with God's amazing presence that it was very difficult not to be joyful, patient, kind, etc. But, like so many Christians have faced before, what happens after the high wears off?

Friday, another thought stream that passed through my mind was the idea related to something I saw last week on Heroes. (Yes, I admit that I do not actually only watch the show, but eagerly anticipate each new episode. I have come out of the closet!) This past week there was an interesting conversation between one of the main characters, Petrelli, and Lindermann, an until-now-unrevealed mastermind, which explored an interested dichotomy. Below is the major excerpt I want to focus on.

Lindermann: "Are you happy nathan?"
Petrelli: "Not especially I guess I have a few issues that plague me."
Lindermann: "Oh, dear sorry to hear that. A time comes when a man has to ask himself whether he wants a life of happiness or a life of meaning."
Petrelli: "I'd like to have to both."
Lindermann: "It can't be done. Two very different paths. To be truly happy a man must live absolutely in the present no thought of what's gone before and no thought of what lies ahead. But, a life of meaning, a man is condemned to wallow in the past and obsesss about the future. And my guess is you've been quite a bit of obsessing about yours this past few months."

The notion that happiness and meaning are mutually exclusive is not novel. However, what is presented here, partly as a way of fleshing out the divisive character through the clear use of manipulative thinking, is not directly what I find important. It just reminded me that television often has its finger on the spiritual pulse of some major, current issues. For me, this show just highlighted a question that has been long lingering in my mind related to the relationship of meaning and spiritual fulfillment.

Getting back to the question I posed, does meaning necessarily span time immemorial past and to come? And, how does this related to happiness? Or, more importantly, for the Christian, blessedness?

I often associate a life filled with the Spirit as one that is meaningful. When we are doing something that matters to God and his kingdom, we are drawn closer to him, and as an indirect consequence, filled more and more his Spirit and secondarily cultivate more of the fruit of the Spirit. But, is this true? Does meaning directly relate to the fruit of the Spirit? I guess, indirectly at least, the fruit of the Spirit is something that fills a person after they have met, accepted and grown with the Spirit.

But, this isn't always the case. Newborn Christians often have great fullness of the Spirit, then, as it may occur, go many ways. Some, as John intimated in Revelation to the Church of Ephesus, "have forsaken your first love." (Rev. 2:4) Others, get lost in life, as Christ indicated in the Parable of the Soils, "Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain". (Mk. 4:7) Neither of these cases quite feel like what I am experiencing. I feel, in some ways, closer to Christ than ever before. And, I do not yet possess the wisdom to face the issue of worldly issues choking out the Word without some fear in my spirit.

Beyond these, though, is a lack of knowledge, an emptiness when it comes to my purpose. If one were to ask me, "Why are you alive?" I would have to say, "I'm really not sure." Now, I can hear in the back of my mind people reading this thinking, he's suicidal, his life is without meaning. That's not it at all. I'm trying to say that I believe many people have a clear sense of what their lives are for. God has communicated what their purpose on earth is. For instance, Kerri has received the word, on at least a few occasions, that she is to be the mother of many. Now, she's still not clear on whether that's the spiritual mother, the physical mother, etc, but she has an idea. I, on the other hand, see all these great things, understand what is going on, and never feel called, or, when I feel called, am not presented the opportunity to join these things to which I feel connected. That is the great conflict in my life right now.

I see so many people seeking a sense of permanent change in their lives. People want to become someone else. They desire to be different from before. Whether driven by displeasure with self or the pursuit of more (really closely related if you ask me), people are often motivated by unhappiness to action. If not unhappiness, necessity for certain. So, either unhappiness or necessity cause people to act.

I remember a long time ago, I once stumbled on this basic thought and saw all physical action as a desire for change. For instance, why would a person need to do anything if nothing needed to be changed? They wouldn't. At that point, only desire would motivate action. Yet, desire is rooted in a sense of a need for completeness to resolve the incompleteness. So, in the end, even arbitrary desires are rooted in a need to change the incomplete into the complete. This little loop of logic was interesting but really yielded no clear conclusions as to behavior or activity based on this insight.

So, I looked at it again, this time a little differently, to see that this basic idea coincides with unhappiness as a motivation for action, but did not take into account necessity. People often understand that the pursuit of happiness is a powerful motivator, but, equally as powerful, and often less intentionally focused on, is the truth that necessity is a tremendous force in life. In truth, most of my life is an exercise in dealing with necessity. I paused when selecting the word dealing because coping seems more apropos, but that touches the heart of the issue. What is it about necessity that makes it such a tyrannical force?

Well, part of it is the fact that necessity is often something which requires submission. Most people don't enjoy being humbled and necessity has an utterly incomparable way of doing just that. Indeed, I liked what I found while researching the Greek for the kairos/chronos etymology in mythology. Chronos is often considered akin to necessity and the best verses I noted related to that said,

"Prometheus: But Khronos (Time), as he grows older, teaches everything.
Hermes: Khronos (Time) has not taught you self-control or prudence - yet." - Aeschylus, Prometheus Bound 982

I sensed, when I read this, that the lessons that Chronos (time) teaches are things which cannot be avoided, no matter how long we run, because, in the end, they must be learned. Necessity often passes as a double for fate, only fate is tied more closely with the concept of destiny and necessity more closely with possibility. But, between the two is the connection that fate is what will occur while necessity are the conditions required for fate to be completed. In this context, it is possible that necessity is a manner through which God guarantees our destined purpose. Against this aspect of necessity, and most particularly, the undesirable elements of character formation, we most fiercely rage.

But why? Why is it that I reject necessity? Why do I reject what changes God requires me to make on such a gradual, constant basis? It seems like grunt work, the menial transformation designed to rid the soul of ungodly characteristics. In the end, we become better because of our humiliation, but, the process is painful. The longer we hold off, the longer it takes. In my case, I just wonder what I it is I am not humble enough about? Am I supposed to accept the necessary elements of my life without seeking better? At times, I feel that the "way things are" cannot be challenged because that is what God has ordained. Yet, if that's true, then we cannot rage against powers and principalities as we are called to? Where is the line between what is status quo and the illusion of the way things are as construed by deception which must be challenged? What must we truly challenge and what must we accept? It takes wisdom I do not yet have to identify those forces to which we must submit and to which we must offer defiance and resistance.

My lack of wisdom and discernment regarding the true necessities in my life, and, as a result, the amount of time and energy I waste pursing unnecessary things, is probably a deeper source of frustration than what I began writing about at the beginning of this blog. I am tempted to believe that what God wills is the necessary and all else must be resisted, but part of my mind suggests that we may, at times, submit to Satan's will for God's greater purposes. Now, by this I am not saying I think I need to sin to do what God wants. I am thinking more of the situation, like Christ, enduring the mockery of the Sanhedrin and the Roman guards to fulfill God's prophecies, than I am about "disobeying God to glorify him".

Nothing I've touched on today seems like an easy topic, but they're definitely things I have weighing on my heart. Of course, when I see people at church, and they ask, "How are you?", it's hard to really get into it because it's a conversation only few can have. God and I have it all the time, but that leads back to that place of solitude. As he highlighted to me this morning, for whatever reason, community is essential to Christian life and survival. Now, what is it that I have to do in order to find what I need? Why do my necessities elude me Lord? Even in pursuit of you I feel even more strained, longing, seeing more of your glory, but unable to touch you. Such a great burden to desire God will all my heart but have so little of him in my life.

I probably won't finish this thread because it is one that has long been growing in my mind, but want to start tackling it because it came fresh today as I reflected on a few different concepts. The thread begins with the simple idea of creativity.

For a long time, I wanted to be creative like the greats who have affected history. Not that I longed for fame. It was quite the opposite. I didn't want the attention. I wanted to be possess the ability, the power to so perfectly and amazingly reflect the majesty of creation. Genius captivates in such a way that their impressions of truth seem so perfectly formed that, though we may grasp that other truths exist, the one we behold at that moment is in itself perfect.

Indeed, the maturity of genius works are the essence of their captivating nature. They are so complete in their maturity that no flaws appear. Most creative works are representations of other things. Works of genius, however, are, in and of themselves, no longer representing something else, but, because of their combination of perfection, grace and beauty, something transcending the line of representative to actual.

I contemplated many of the great works of genius trying to find a magical bow that I could use to pull once and have the eternal truths they embody in their artistic efforts unfold themselves before me, hoping for a denouement from which I could glean my own possession of their prowess and abilities. This was really a vanity, the belief that I necessarily could autopsy surpassing brilliance simply by gazing at it long enough, but in this exercise held some interesting points I picked up along the way.

While reading Julia Kristeva's Revolution on Poetic Language many years ago, I noted her use of the term authority as being quite different from anything else I had ever read. In the back of my mind I held the concepts of authority, as discussed by Jesus, but only as a backdrop for my musings. From my considerations of Kristeva's work, I noticed my idea of the creative authority changed from that of "one possessing superior knowledge" (like a subject matter expert who knew all the fine points of a topic) to something more akin to a right over, an author's right.

The language, being French, played on the concepts a little differently than it had in English as the same sunlight on foreign waters shines a slightly different color. Authority hinted at authorship, not power...as in someone possessing the right to decide the fate of matters. At that moment, I saw God's authority more like that of an author than a legislative ruler. God's Word. His creative acts. His actions. These all were creative in nature. They added to existence, whereas authority, as I had always known it, focused more on the administration and government of affairs.
Suddenly, authority was a matter of creative expression.

I saw this insight, noted it, cataloged it into my memory and moved on. Several years later I encountered the creative spirit, mainly as a theme, a quiet hint of a conversation I sensed interesting, at conferences and in book titles. Several revelatory speakers have been discussing the power of God and how it intersects with the creative realms of the arts and sciences. In fact, creativity has been connected with revelatory circles for quite some time, but has only recently gotten a reintroduction on a national level.

Now, I look back and see that there is an almost silent undercurrent not being mentioned, at least no where that I note. In new age circles and some secular humanist camps, the theme that everyone's genius lies in their uniqueness. Now, there is the age-old truism that "You're unique". This is often followed by the tit-for-tat cynic saying, "...just like everyone else." There are many efforts to undermine the power of this statement, but the most dangerous is one that recognizes the truth in it.

Many preying on the power of this realization introduce it, establish it as "hidden truth" not shown by Christianity but known to those who are sharing it. Once people are trapped, they often have already been wounded in the belief that uniqueness cannot truly be tapped within the Christian framework. Well, I won't get into that discussion tonight, but rather point out that Christianity is not only a good fit for these truths, but the source of their power. What other faith has a creative act as the first occurrence in their past?

God's call is for each person to recognize they have a truly unique purpose in the Kingdom of God, to create the most amazing work yet to be seen with the help of all others on the face of this earth. Our authority, our authorship, lies in participating with God's will and love is the only medium through which we shall create truly eternal things. The creative spirit seeks to leave the world a different, changed place; this is the essence of what I sense alternative religions are hoping to captivate and that with which they are trying to abscond unnoticed.

I hate the thought that spiritual pick pockets surround me day in and day out, but it is so easy to forget that we are called to war with love. There is nothing better for an author to do than to leave their stamp, their unique signature on their works. That ensures the authenticity of their works. Most people fear the same way. But, only love can be unique. That is the stamp of a Christian authority, unique love, a love so special that it breaks the mold. It cracks even the hardest hearts and their stony souls with its powerful manner. Dare to love in ways that none have seen and claim your authority. Claim your authorship.

In our war of love and hate, it's not playing by the rules that helps God win, it's playing with the rules. Take the world's rules and show them what it truly means to have power. Ruling over someone, something is not truly power; you're simply a manager who keeps things in check. Creating is true power and there are no rules for being creative. Indeed, that is the antithesis of creativity. If it is a new creation, it cannot abide by any rule. It must, by definition, be something for which no rule exists. Otherwise, it is simply a new arrangement of something old. An essential character of poetry is that it makes the old seem new. That newness, that life, is the power of creativity being impressed on something old.

When I think of how Christ impacted lives, he would take the old, breath life into it and would reveal a new creation. There is so much impact not touched on in the power of new life poured out by the Spirit indwelling a newly saved person. I struggle at the loss when people fail to recognize the unspeakable glory of what the one lost sheep means. Newness, restoration, creation, salvation! How can we not get impassioned about such a display of power, such a display of genius and creative mastery? Let us create love and take hold of the words and works only we can.

About 4 days ago I saw Obama Barak on TV with his wife prior to doing an interview with someone. Maybe Oprah or some other media pundit. Now, I'm not a political person by any means, but upon seeing him, I immediately heard in my mind, "There's the next president." At that point, I took a few moments to research exactly who he is. I found out a few things, but mainly just got an idea of this man is. For followers of politics, his arrival is probably not that unheralded, but, I think for most folks, he will seem to have come from nowhere. At first, he seems quite fitting for the task, but, my ever-conspiring mind then questioned if he might be one of the world order types. Truth be told, I have no clue as to his ultimate plans or much more than the fact that he is being foisted it into the consciousness from nowhere. Nonetheless, I sensed such a strong hint when I got this word I wanted to note it for posterity.