Warfare takes many guises. For Kerri and I, it usually happens right before something spiritually significant. The latest fun was right before my church's men's retreat. To be honest, until this past weekend, I had never been on a retreat. At least not one that wasn't required by my school. Anyhow, I took Friday off so I could go with Kerri to her ultrasound (it's a boy) and leave early with my community group. Well, as the enemy's humor would have it, he didn't really want us to sleep. We went to bed around 11pm. Right at 1am, Kerri found Page screaming in a pool of vomit. She got her up, put her in the tub and started cleaning her off. Of course, Emma was up from Page's wailing. So, after Page was cleaned up, dried off and in bed with me, Kerri went to put Emma back to asleep. Page threw up again while Kerri was in the other room. We now had to change our sheets too. Sheets off the bed, pillow in the washer, new sheets going down. 1:45am at this point. The pillow ended up gaining enough water to cause the washer to teeter out from the wall enough to pull the drain hose from the wall. As his humor had it, it was the hot cycle. Scalding water on my feet helped me realize that pretty quickly. Tally: two puked covered beds and an overflooded washing room. We grabbed every towel in the house and managed to mop up the majority of the mess. Washer reset, hose placed bask where it needed to be, towels washing. The house was relatively calm again. The kids had stopped jumping on the bed and hollering with midnight delight. No leaking from the hose. All seemed good. I turned off the light and asked Kerri, "What else can happen?" About 2 minutes later I heard the all-too-familiar jolt of a transformer crashing. The power went out and our 30 degree temperatures started chilling the house off pretty quickly. This was about 4:30am. 5:30am, Page threw up...again. Then, 7am came, she popped up and announced, as she does on an almost daily basis, "The sun's up, it's daytime, let's get breakfast." The day began. It seemed like it was going to be a great trip indeed.

I just wonder what it was really like for Isaiah, Joseph, Daniel, Jeremiah. Sure, we get to experience a little of what it is like to have the enemy coming against us. And, of course, the closer we are to God, the more intense it is. But, I know it's nothing like that for me. I remember hearing of Luther, as he wrote his Theses, and his flying inkwells. Whether it really happened or not, I have not idea. Putting it beyond the realm of possibility seems foolish to me, but I have a hard time imaging what sort of craziness holy people truly experience. There's the old story of a kingdom being run by insane people. I wonder at times if Christ was the king, looking around seeing nothing but sick, insane souls, tormented and blind...he being the only one truly capable of seeing. I know I'm not Christ, not even remotely close to holy people but I wish I had eyes to see, not light visions or impressions, but real eyes to see. Not that I long for, or even want the attack that comes with call and annointing, but I do long for gifting to rest on me.

I find myself always looking for barometers for where the Spirit is and where the world is. Lately, I sense that some of the more interesting spots to find, not necessarily where the Spirit it, but, rather where the world can be found sits right in front of us: television. Now, it's not shocking that the TV tells us what's going on. But, I think, as a Christian, it's important to take note of some of the things that are being projected by TV, however, not be led by them.

One of the more noticeable commercials I've seen lately is Dennis Hopper's spot for Ameriprise. Aside from the irony of Dennis Hopper pitching a financial institution, the fact that the "visionary" marketing firm that birthed this plan tied into an hotspot of spiritual focus smacks a little too much of conincidence. The tag line for the commercial is that and today is about dreams. Now, maybe I'm a little hyper-sensitive to the word "dreams" but it strikes me a little odd that dreams are being sold as a metaphorical, emotive commodity for baby boomers. Hooper says, "You have dreams. And there's no age limit on dreams." In another spot, he says, "The thing about dreams is they don't retire." The one that gets me the most is where he says, "Flower power was yesterday. Dreams are today." To me that seems to be about as blatant a statement they have, at least unwittingly, tapped onto the real momentum of this season. I see no coincidence in a major marketing firm trying to play on a vital spiritual undercurrent. For me, the question is whether they realize it or not.

Another interesting theme that seems to be recurring throughout the media is that of destiny. For instance, the new movie, The Bridge to Terabinthia depicts two kids who create their own reality via art and then have to find this reality too unpredictable, then, through dealing with this reality find their destiny. For years destiny has been the focus of many prophetic teachers and speakers, but only in the past 2-3 years has Hollywood begun to use this buzzword in its conceptual repertoire. Now, a lot of movies are sold more on concept than substance, but even the fact that the writers are trying to cash in on the concepts tells me they've figured out where there's smoke there's fire.

It just seems that TV's propogandist approach to disseminating its own versions of truth as new ideas more readily than those that already are out there passing off new mixtures of old ideas as new. I can hear in the back of my brain, "they're just this...", or "it's only..." which sounds like my worldly mind trying to fight back.

One of the hardest things to know is how far you are up the mountain in mid-process of climbing. Looking back you see where you have come from, if the treetops aren't covering the path. Looking up you see hills, hills and more hills. It seems like it never ends. But, you know that the hill must end and you can reach the top. Beyond that all you can do it pay attention to what's in front of you and keep moving. Well, my walk has felt like this lately. When Kerri and I moved to Dallas we knew we were doing what we were supposed to do. The two looming opportunities that gave me great excitement were my new job and the possibility of working with Breath of the Spirit Ministries, a Streams-affiliated, prophetic outreach group.

Within a few months my job had revealed itself as something different than was expected and the distance between the Breath Ministries to be too daunting...30-60 miles of urban sprawl traffic at best...for much more than an irregular visit or service. As the high of the move wore off and the reality of life in Dallas sank in I began to get frustrated with what God was up to and pretty much began to just pull the 5-year-old brat response. "If you're not going to do what you promised, I won't talk to you." Mature? No. What I did? Yes.

Fast forward a few months to the middle of a random work assignment. My boss keeps telling me, "You need to pay more attention to the details." I ignore her thinking, "She's worldly and just being bossy. I don't have to listen to her." Details schmetails. A few weeks later, I get pulled over for driving with an expired inspection sticker and no insurance papers. The most frustrating irony is that I had received the insurance papers a few days earlier but, either out of laziness or busyness, failed to put them into the car. The officer said I could show proof of insurance and get an inspection sticker and simply have to pay a $10 fee for each. Hmmm, details.

An inspection sticker later and insurance paperwork in hand, I head down to City Hall. Day 1 of City Hall, I get there too late to make it in early without missing work. Day 2 I get there and have all my paperwork in hand. Only, I find out that the "declaration page" I had been told about insurance was not what I had...it was proof or insurance. Another detail I overlooked.

As I had been waiting in line to get into the court I met a woman who had some similar, relatively trivial issue to dispute or resolve. We began talking and I found out that she went to T.D. Jakes' church. Telling her about our move up to Dallas, the ministries we were involved with and our little story, it seemed like a real connection...a divine appointment. Frustrated by my latest "oversight" of detail I left after making my court appointment and noticed her in line but didn't stop because she was with some friends and I was running late.

About 10 minutes away I was ranting and venting about my frustration. Suddenly the cloud of blindness over my brain broke and I saw it: I had been ignoring God all along. When I first got involved with Streams I was so excited I thought everything was possible and it would work out perfectly, quickly. Well, fantasy and reality didn't overlap very much. Getting back to reality, God was telling me all along I needed to be paying attention to the details!

My boss...an authority...became a light bulb moment when I realized that, even though she's not a Christian, she is still my authority. I am under her authority by God's providence. I had not heeded his word through her because I wasn't looking to her as a voice box for God. Then, when I didn't listen to the need to put my insurance papers in the car, I didn't listen to the Spirit. When I went downtown, I didn't pay attention to the details...again.

All this time, I had been rebelling against God because I was mad. Suddenly, I understood that God spoke to me whether I was listening or not. I remember Scott Evelynn, one of my Streams instructors, saying he had gotten out of ministry and into business after pastoring for several years. While doing this he would still have the Spirit visit him from time to time. While in his hotel rooms he would say, "I know you're here, but I'm not talking to you." I had kept that comment in mind, thinking it was funny, but interesting.

So, I learned He'll still talk to me whether I'm listening or not. The important thing is to do what he says...eventually. Lately, I find myself wondering, again, "Why I am here?" while thinking about work. But, after doing dream interpretations at a conference with Barbie's teams I felt a sense of purpose. At work I have to summarize documents when coding (something I hated to even think about in high school) and essentially find the key points of a document and put them into a few sentences. Dream interpretations often boil down, in the end, to being able to do precisely this! So cool seeing the Mr Miagi wax on wax off approach of spiritual growth.

Now...if only I can get a glimpse of what all this is for.