One of the hardest things to know is how far you are up the mountain in mid-process of climbing. Looking back you see where you have come from, if the treetops aren't covering the path. Looking up you see hills, hills and more hills. It seems like it never ends. But, you know that the hill must end and you can reach the top. Beyond that all you can do it pay attention to what's in front of you and keep moving. Well, my walk has felt like this lately. When Kerri and I moved to Dallas we knew we were doing what we were supposed to do. The two looming opportunities that gave me great excitement were my new job and the possibility of working with Breath of the Spirit Ministries, a Streams-affiliated, prophetic outreach group.

Within a few months my job had revealed itself as something different than was expected and the distance between the Breath Ministries to be too daunting...30-60 miles of urban sprawl traffic at best...for much more than an irregular visit or service. As the high of the move wore off and the reality of life in Dallas sank in I began to get frustrated with what God was up to and pretty much began to just pull the 5-year-old brat response. "If you're not going to do what you promised, I won't talk to you." Mature? No. What I did? Yes.

Fast forward a few months to the middle of a random work assignment. My boss keeps telling me, "You need to pay more attention to the details." I ignore her thinking, "She's worldly and just being bossy. I don't have to listen to her." Details schmetails. A few weeks later, I get pulled over for driving with an expired inspection sticker and no insurance papers. The most frustrating irony is that I had received the insurance papers a few days earlier but, either out of laziness or busyness, failed to put them into the car. The officer said I could show proof of insurance and get an inspection sticker and simply have to pay a $10 fee for each. Hmmm, details.

An inspection sticker later and insurance paperwork in hand, I head down to City Hall. Day 1 of City Hall, I get there too late to make it in early without missing work. Day 2 I get there and have all my paperwork in hand. Only, I find out that the "declaration page" I had been told about insurance was not what I had...it was proof or insurance. Another detail I overlooked.

As I had been waiting in line to get into the court I met a woman who had some similar, relatively trivial issue to dispute or resolve. We began talking and I found out that she went to T.D. Jakes' church. Telling her about our move up to Dallas, the ministries we were involved with and our little story, it seemed like a real connection...a divine appointment. Frustrated by my latest "oversight" of detail I left after making my court appointment and noticed her in line but didn't stop because she was with some friends and I was running late.

About 10 minutes away I was ranting and venting about my frustration. Suddenly the cloud of blindness over my brain broke and I saw it: I had been ignoring God all along. When I first got involved with Streams I was so excited I thought everything was possible and it would work out perfectly, quickly. Well, fantasy and reality didn't overlap very much. Getting back to reality, God was telling me all along I needed to be paying attention to the details!

My boss...an authority...became a light bulb moment when I realized that, even though she's not a Christian, she is still my authority. I am under her authority by God's providence. I had not heeded his word through her because I wasn't looking to her as a voice box for God. Then, when I didn't listen to the need to put my insurance papers in the car, I didn't listen to the Spirit. When I went downtown, I didn't pay attention to the details...again.

All this time, I had been rebelling against God because I was mad. Suddenly, I understood that God spoke to me whether I was listening or not. I remember Scott Evelynn, one of my Streams instructors, saying he had gotten out of ministry and into business after pastoring for several years. While doing this he would still have the Spirit visit him from time to time. While in his hotel rooms he would say, "I know you're here, but I'm not talking to you." I had kept that comment in mind, thinking it was funny, but interesting.

So, I learned He'll still talk to me whether I'm listening or not. The important thing is to do what he says...eventually. Lately, I find myself wondering, again, "Why I am here?" while thinking about work. But, after doing dream interpretations at a conference with Barbie's teams I felt a sense of purpose. At work I have to summarize documents when coding (something I hated to even think about in high school) and essentially find the key points of a document and put them into a few sentences. Dream interpretations often boil down, in the end, to being able to do precisely this! So cool seeing the Mr Miagi wax on wax off approach of spiritual growth.

Now...if only I can get a glimpse of what all this is for.