While posting on an interesting topic I had confessed my own 2-year old temper in matters of spirituality. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. I'm immature and will grow up in time. In the middle of my musings, I did, however, come to realize a little connection. For a long time, the idea of being and action had the wrong framework for me. In philosophy there is a long tradition of author's taking another thinker's work and tweaking it to make some ignored or, if not completely abused, at least, under-stated point. Sartre's "Being and nothingness" is probably the most famous, but, there are at least two other spin-offs I can think of immediately. Whitehead's "Process and being", Heidigger's "Being and Time" This whole school of philosophy deals with ontology. That's the ten-dollar word for the "study of being".

Enough of that rabbit trail. From the philosopher's war of being I gathered the basic idea that being is a passive act. Of course, if I reread these works, I would most likely realize I am projecting a personal perspective onto their works. It's been a while since I read any of these works, but, the lingering effect is that of passivity. When I came to start reading the Bible deeply, I saw verses like, "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10) that probably reinforced a somewhat questionable idea of God's desire or intention for passivity. In the context of this verse, yes, passivity was at least until I saw what I saw tonight, a misrepresentation of what I believe God truly wants.

Now, my caveat here, ok, my outright disclaimer, is that I am not pretending like I do have the answer yet. Just the realization that I need to look in a different direction. So, that direction is... If we are to be passive, as my initial thought would have lent me to reason out, we would be incapable, by definition, of doing anything. Now, I know God can, and, does, more than we can ever comprehend. But, He doesn't and, by design, isn't supposed to do it all. Ergo, it can't be complete passivity.

Hmmm, what then? So, I can do it all; i.e., I'm not God. The converse is also true; I can't do nothing. Well, that makes it tricky doesn't it. I can't pout and grow at the same time. What does that leave for me to do? Act and be. Now that kind of tweaks my brain. It used to be an either/or scenario. I could act or be, not possibly both. As I showed above, that's illogical. Reconciling how to act and be is a totally new framework for thinking about life. "Being in God", with all its embedded, personal meanings and private significance, implied, in the past, total passivity. Acting carried with it the negative meaning of "selfish" activity. I have heard that we are to surrender to God so He can be in complete control of our lives.

Sounds great. The reality, however, differs from the rosy colored dream my hope had tied itself to. Perhaps, fantasy is a better word. Nonetheless, I am coming to see that God's prompting me, nudging me to rearrange my ideas a bit. Or a lot, as the case may be. He wants something infinitely more challenging than the "surrender" of passivity. God wants me, I believe God wants all of us, to surrender, not to give up and do nothing. To act but to act as He would have us act. In a sense, He wants us to do as He wants us to do. Imagine giving up yourself so completely that you do nothing, that is to say, you make no decisions, but, rather, carry out the decisions of another.

You see, it isn't inactivity of body he wants, it's inactivity of soul. He wants us to submit our will, not our lives. He needs our lives if we are to embody His will. We all are made to glorify God with our unique calling. And, only by living as we were created to live and be, can we fully allow God to carry out His plan. As I write this I am hearing in the back of my mind the nagging voice of the cynic, the critic and the theologically minded pointing out that we do not add to God. God is omnipotent, omniscient, etc. Yeah, He's all-everything. I see it another way. If we fully submit ourselves, we add nothing to God. Instead, we detract nothing from His plan if we do as much as we can. Yet, if we do not submit ourselves, we can prevent God's plan from being as full as it could be by preventing our portion of the plan from being carried out.

Coming back from that little rabbit trail, I sense that the war of free will is the heart of the matter here. If God could replace my will with His, what would my life be like? I believe that is what God longs for us to do. Now, I can hear others ask, why would someone do that? I completely believe God's plan is the perfect plan, the following of which brings the greatest possible fulfillment in one's life. Like the detraction comment above, our life is full to the degree to which we follow God's plan. Obviously, my spiritual pouting is slowing me down. God, of course, can use all things for good. That doesn't make my tantrum okay. Just a beautiful facet of grace I thank Him for about 50 times a day.

So, that leaves me with this blank slate called my life. I stand in this moment with a past, from which to draw experiences and a future, onto which I can choose to either continue to project myself...or, I can begin to let God show me what He wants me to see. To do this, I have to let God choose for me. I cannot not choose for myself. So, to make different choices, I have to rely on someone other than myself. (I guess I am invoking the idea of otherness here.) It really is, at its core, a paradox, an impossibility. It reveals an area where God must act. I, by the nature of the situation, cannot do it for myself. So, I turn here to another person. Of course, that person, can be human (as many people turn to) or non-human, angelic, demonic, etc. That being said, being and acting is a supernatural challenge. Being oneself, and an expression of another's will at the same time, is an eternal complexity I am only beginning to comprehend God wants me to fully embrace.

He works in obvious, mysterious ways

One thing I love about God is how much he talks to us. No, not the "burning bush" kind of talking, or, the angels coming in the middle of the night. The quiet whispers reach me more often than the special effects kind of visit that most people think of when considering God's interaction in their lives.

In the past month our church has been giving an awesome series of sermons on happiness. To be precise, the pursuit of happiness. I've blogged on this before, but, there have been some redefinitions and quite a few ahas as a result of the series. I want to devote an entire post to that all on its own. The main thing here is that unhappiness has been a companion of mine for some time. Not one I welcome, but, rather, seem to be burdened with on a rather permanent basis.

At the core of my unhappiness is I have come to sense that the path God has me on is not the want I want to be on. Indeed, a few months ago I had to accept the realization that I am an envious Christian. Not good. Amy and I used to go to the same church and we pursued a path down the road of prophetic ministry. Only, she actually got to go down that road while I was stopped and sent a different direction. I hold it not against her in any way. Frustration has been marking my every turn. I want, so badly, to be involved in the kind of things she does. However, I find, instead of grounding myself in a church where revelatory gift is the norm, it is the exception. Instead of getting more involved in what I sense my calling is, I grow bitter about struggling to survive my daily life. Instead of...well, you get the idea. Happiness has not been on my tongue. It has been on my heart however. I long for the joy that comes from not only accepting my position in life, but, praising God, from the depths of my being, for the blessing he has poured out upon me and my family.

So, here I stand. Looking around, wondering where to go. What to do. I am in a job that is good, but, I long for more. I am trying to find ways to help the company grow and become more of what I think I am supposed to be at the same time. Yet, even in this scenario God has hidden surprises for me on an almost daily basis. I work with a couple of guys who are all very sharp at what the do. While sitting at lunch with them I realized, I am very much in what I have been prepared to do! My grandfather was basically a network engineer at Bell South for 35 years. He was a technical wizard in all respects. Since I was a kid I never wanted to go down that road because technology reminded me of business and I hated business. I always wanted to be an artist, a musician, an athlete. Anything but a technologist or a business person. (And, guess what, I work in a technology business.)

At any rate, it became clear that, in spite of my unwillingness to receive the tremendous heritage my grandfather and my father have accumulated in the type of field I am in, I was among people that they would probably have been around. In a way, even though I tried not to end up becoming like them, I am. I am surrounded by people who are gifted with technology. It was a little light bulb to know that I was in a place where I would naturally fit even though I didn't plan or want it. God had led me where I probably should have been all along.

This little realization is one of those moments that stokes the very small flame of hope in my heart. I have come to realize that hope, the kind of hope that I saw and desired in almost every one else at the prophetic arena, typically has to be hyped up. People live in this frenzied "spiritual" state. It's a sort of hyper-real sense of God that is real, but, is extremely hard to cultivate in "normal" life. In a sense, that's why people who truly pursue that type of ministry become unlike the rest of us. At any rate, hearing God say, quietly in the midst of my grumbling, "You're where you're supposed to be and where you're supposed to have been all along" is humbling.

So, I have this one little theme going on in my spirit. A lightly rousing melody of hope. That was lunch. This morning, I have another little nudge. Many years ago I went to school in Memphis and they had a series of organizations that focused on social justice. Real activist types. While there I had an acquaintance who was odd. Gifted in many strange ways. At 18 a local musician. A writer. Counter cultural. He ended up getting a degree in math (my longed for degree). He had the acclaim of professors in spite of his not seeking it. I looked at him, 10 years later, and had a sense of envy.

That was it, envy. I still struggle with desire for things I don't have. Envy. I see this guy and see so much of what I wanted. Or think I wanted. Here I am, struggling to get by, struggling to find identity, struggling to keep my head above water. And I see this guy's picture, covered in tattoos, still walking down his road, calling his own shots, success in his wake. I, nobody, no where. Then, I see amidst my own blinding cloud of temporarily self-absorbed distraction, a wonderful life, my life. The fundamental problem is simple: how to want what I have, not what I don't have. Isn't that always it? We want something we don't have because we think it will bring us happiness. We think the grass on the other side of the fence is what will make us complete, what will make us happy.

But, the green grass theory only goes so far. It doesn't really propose an end. It just proposes another step in the process. Many people argue with Christians when they assert there is a beginning point, the unmoved mover. They don't want to have to accept this type of proposition because it forces them to ask, "Well, what is that?" This naturally leads to the issue of God. If you get people looking at now, at the future, it's a lot easier to get them to lose focus. People stuck in the middle of the fire cope with life. They don't embrace it. They don't grasp the moments they are being given. Instead they try to put themselves somewhere else, somewhere better than where they are then.

By pursing things, futures, better, green grasses, people never set a goal in mind. They find a means to happiness, the temporary fix, as being an end in and of itself, when God should be the end. Even in the moment, God should be the end, the absolute reference point by which we gauge our moors as well as our mores. Happiness, as Jesus shows us in the Beatitudes, doesn't come from getting high on the next best thing. I am beginning to suspect there is so much more to the blessedness we derive from being obedient it's scary. I see the inevitable and I just keep thinking, quietly, unspoken, even to my mind, how long can I put off the inevitable?

God waits for us to truly give Him the okay before we can be ready for Him to come to us. By chasing happiness, we all too often, like children trying to catch butterflies, are never where God can meet us. We have hopped up, run away and not given Him enough time to meet us where we were supposed to be when He asked us to wait. I've heard so many times that we are often the reason we don't progress in God more than we do. I know when I make decisions, almost every little decision to ignore, despise, reject, begrudge God. And, I can't even imagine how He still loves me in my rebellious state.

I pray God can give me the happiness he has in store, provided I am willing to let Him give it to me. I pray I let Him give it to me. I guess part of the mystery is how He can speak to us and yet we choose not to hear him, to turn a deaf ear. There is typically no mystery in God if we allow Him to speak; if we are honest with what He tells us and don't cover it up in smoke, mirrors and lies. It is in us that the mystery lies, why we choose not to live the way God's called us to. The mystery of living with sin and a God who loves us anyway. How can we reconcile this?

Anyone ever hate long drug commercials? I actually started timing them to see how much air time they are buying. The longest one I recently saw was a Lunesta piece: 2:41. Seriously, a commercial that lasts 2 minutes 41 seconds! How insane. It's total brainwashing. Subliminal is so 1940's.

Unimpressed with the IRS

I am not prone to political commentary, but, after getting my second notification from the IRS, I am deeply disappointed in how the Tax Stimulus was handled. Sure, I'm happy I get some money. It's much needed. But, as of 2007, the US population was 301,139,947. Of course, it's grown since then, but, working with those numbers, and the average US household size being 2.61, as of 2006, that averages out to about 115,379,290 households in the US. Assuming printing, mailing costs and overhead for the IRS to mail these notification, as a country we spent, between the two mailings, $115,379,290.04 to inform ourselves of something everyone already knew as a result of mass media. So, why did we spent $115 million dollars to do something that had already been done? That's just bad business and worse governing.

Divine nerves

Years ago I had read some oriental literature discussing an idea relating the cosmological and the quantum. "As above, so below", the saying goes. With this in mind a possible connection between urban growth patterns and nerve cell structures came to mind. Below are two images, a nerve bundle and a high level overview of a city.





Nerve tissue





Urban sprawl

Notice how the road patterns resemble the random directions of nerve tissue. Obviously, the analogy only goes so far. Urban sprawl is essentially a two dimensional pattern, even though geography allows some 3 dimensionality. Nerve tissue is a 3 dimensional form. Nonetheless, I began to wonder about this pattern, centralized, outwardly expanding natural patterns. In addition to the relationship between nerves and urban sprawl were trees, rivers, fractal patterns, glacial and ice movements. These all had the same kind of branching physical structures. In reality, these are more self-similar than the urban development-nerve pattern. That being said, this pattern repeats so much, I just found it fascinating and keep noticing how it keeps reappearing across a wide range of scales, from the cellular to the geographical.

So, with the pattern being noted, I began to wonder if, assuming the scale of space and time are similar, nervous tissue is microscopic and develops very quickly. Likewise, the urban sprawl patterns would grow over time very slowly in proportion to the massive scale of cities. In the two pictures shown above, a nerve bundle is about 100 micrometers. A city, such as New York, is roughly 100 kilometers across. So, the size relationship is 1 to 100000000000. So, if that is the case, the amount of time it takes for full urban development should be proportional to the length of time it takes for nerves to form. Still looking for that number.

Just some interesting observations...

"Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive. -- Paul

When I was growing up my dad instilled in me a great sense of hope. Until a few years ago, an untested sense of hope. As I grew up I was not a very athletic kid, but, I loved activity. When I got into 8th grade I started running cross country at a new school just to do something I was terrible. Over the years I got better, even got a small scholarship to go to school in Tennessee. Throughout college I was obsessed with the sport and focused on it to the utter demise of my academic potential. I did manage to graduate, but, obsessed as a I was, merely saw graduation as the opportunity to train unhindered by school. This went on for a few years. In 2002, I was running 110 miles a week hoping I would make some Michael Jordan-like breakthrough, becoming something I had longed to be for years.

It never happened. I realized, in this pursuit, it was something that would take away from a more important decision in my life: marriage. I saw a choice, love my dreams or love my wife. There was only one choice: I chose to love my wife. Pursuing my dream would have been selfish and cost me the greatest person I have ever met. I got married that summer and came to realize, or rather, accept, that I was not as gifted as I hoped. Around that time my dad, in one of our conversations, said, "It's okay to pursue your dreams until you realize they are only dreams." For me, this was a major challenge. I had truly believed that anything was possible. In this case, if I ran enough, if I did the right things, if I was perfect in my execution, if I exerted enough will, I could become what I dreamed of being. I had completely believed, "anything is possible". Running was the grounds upon which I tested this belief and came up realizing it was not true. Or, at least, not the way I thought.

A few weeks ago while driving to work, I realized as I reflected on one of our pastor's sermons that is not quite true. Indeed, all things are permissible. It is in the Bible. However, just because, as Paul said, something is permissible, does not necessarily mean it is for the best. The sermon discussed a woman who had lost her sight. To get into the church, she had to have someone assist her.

He had taken this actual experience to illustrate a larger point. Paul wrote of the church as a body. When a person is acting in a role that is not what they are intended to perform, other members of the body have to compensate for this person not doing what they are intended to do. He remarked that it's amazing how one person being unable (or, I would add to extend this notion, unwilling) to do what they are supposed to requires two bodies. This type of scenario detracts from God's ability to demonstrate his love and power because people are using their gifts the wrong way and detracting from God's glory for their own pursuits.

With my running, I believe, and, after reflection, still see that I probably could achieve my goals of being a world class athlete. However, the amount of time, energy and effort required to accomplish this would be a horrible waste of time and a gross misplacement of focus. I would have to have inordinate resources, financial, social, mental and emotional, to pursue this. That's not something, as I now sense Paul was hinting at, I see making a lot of sense.

With God, all things indeed are permissible. But, I am now inclined to ask, "Is this beneficial?" "Does this help me love more?" "Does this choice promote me or others?" It is the age old question of putting yourself or others first. We were given free will. Using it for good, however, comes at a cost. I learned that making dreams come true makes for poor goodness.

While discussing giftedness with someone recently an argument I had never foreseen came up. The other person had detached themselves from a religious background and formed a very anti-religious sentiment throughout their life. In an effort to convince me of the virtue of this choice they said that not using their gifts, referring to mental abilities, would be not living up to God's potential. At the time I didn't see it, but, this is the exact kind of thing Paul was talking about in 1 Corinthians 13. He clearly says,

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

This particular person would have nothing. In fact, I look at their life and have deep pity, a certain sadness. The only focus for this person is their own giftedness. Sadly, they don't even realize the shallow "depth" of their point of view. Never do they ask, "What is the gift for?" Only, "how can I use it to the best of my abilities?" Wrong focus, wrong result.

In particular, "intellectuals" fall into the category of person who will resort to this argument that they have something and that something should be their focal point. In reality, love is the intended focus, and all gifts are meant to enhance our ability to love. Taking the focus off the gift, off the self, and looking at the results, at the love generated (or, as in this case, never developed), I think this type of false thinking can be uprooted.

A while back I came across some information regarding the Hebraic calendar. To scholars of Hebrew culture, the lunar calendar is nothing new. In fact, is it a basic method of measuring time. Indeed, the small light, as Moses described it in Genesis, has been a major demarcation factor since the beginning of time. Having come up in a Western culture, that is to say, as a member who has been influenced by the Greeks and Romans, the lunar calendar is as wrong as it could be. Yet, I find something interesting about that fact that, in a situation where a culture has 50/50 odds on picking the right method for calculating time, Western culture opted for the one opposite that of the Hebraic culture. Now, the fact that our culture, one renowned for being anti-Christian, would be at odds with such a simple choice is not surprising. What I find surprising, however, is the fact that people are ignorant of the history behind the solar calendar. In Greek culture, Helios was the sun god. The fact that the calendar, the solar calendar that is, focuses the entire Western culture on a sense of time and the passage of day to night that could stem from a form of sun worship just strikes me as quite ironic. Yet, to think of working on a lunar calendar, or, to put it another way, based on a heavenly body that is not the sun, seems wrong. That prejudice is undoubtedly the result of having grown up only knowing the sun and day as the center of our system for measuring time. I've posted before about the significance of Friday nights (the beginning of the Sabbath day in Judaism) as being the most raucous of the American culture. It lines up quite nicely with the fact that a demonic form of cosmology would pin even the most basic type of norm, "Friday night fun", against a practice and form of viewing time that honors the God of the Bible. I guess it just amazes me that I've never seen a church point this out or realize it and act on this. I've seen churches that pose the question, and implement the practice, of having church on Saturday, but, as far as days beginning at dusk, that I have yet to see. We would literally have to flip our notion of day and night around... Only God would want to turn our world upside down that much, but, quite rightly.

Random thoughts by Will

Two thoughts I had recently, my typical fare:

1) If you could meet yourself, today, the same age, same person, just another body, what would you talk about?

2) If angels are not physical beings, can you be in the same physical space as an angel or do the laws of physics apply to spiritual beings?

Liam has a habit of occasionally waking up and screaming like a caged beast if we try to put him back to bed. We are considering the possibility this might coincide with a heightened sensitivity to things spiritual seeing as tonight is a full moon. And, just for posterity, it's a green light night.

Lunar phases

Last week's lunar eclipse reminded me of something I used to consider often. I explred astrology partly because I wanted to see what, if any, basis is real and partly because I know for everything counterfeit their is something real God created which the enemy is trying to replicate. Anyhow, I noticed there was a lot of dream activity in our house. I had something like 6 dreams the night before the eclipse. But, on a more regular basis, where full lunar eclipses aren't happening, there are forces exerted by the lunar cycles we have overlooked in our "scientific" Westernized worldview.

The Hebraic world worked on the lunar cycles. It still does. Indeed, their calendar is lunar whereas ours is based on the solar calendar. That being true, I wonder why we, as Christians in our scientific worldview, don't ditch the science. God hasn't changed his mind about the way the universe ran since Jesus' day. Many modern day Christians have simply never been shown that the solar model of time is not the real first-century model Christ and the apostles used. I just wonder, what are we missing because we are not paying attention to this? What sort of signs are being ignored because we have the wrong focal point?

The basic issues are well-known. High and low tide are directly related to lunar movements. Dream cycles work in conjunction with lunar patterns, as do planting and harvesting patterns. What else have I just not noticed. Even though it is anecdotal, as far as I know, many hospitals see increased frequency of activity around full moons as well as, though there's no real standard for weirdness, an increase in the bizarre factor around those times as well. In other words, there are lots of obvious indicators the lunar cycle is something that is real and its effects are powerful, albeit a discounted element of the forces being exerted on people.

On another note, I know that the "planetary" influences in astrology are more about the "spirits" or the "energies" of the planets than about astronomical or physical influences. Nonetheless, I often wonder, speaking in terms of macrocosmic patterns and gravitational influences, what sort of patterns can be attributed to the constantly changing interactions of planets upon each other. Most people don't follow the astronomical positioning of different planetary cycles enough to try and track the different patterns that might reveal themselves. Again, I often wonder what we're missing as a result.

Certainly, our call as Christians is primarily theocentric, first and foremost, but, anthropocentric next. We are to focus on the Kingdom of God and upon people. Beyond that, Christians are not really directed to pay too much attention to these Old Testament types of realities. In spite of this, I suspect there are dimensions of the spiritual walk of Christians that could benefit from being more aware of the heavens above. Perhaps God will make it a bit more clear to me what these influences are supposed to be and how they matter in our everyday lives.

Ruminations on princess toothpaste

My girls have princess toothpaste to help them get used to using adult toothpaste. Since we are remodeling and I couldn't find ours anywhere I used the pink goop. While I was brushing my teeth and looking around I noticed three princesses (we have princesses everyone) on the toothpaste tube. Around them were all sorts of glimmers of light and sparkles. Seeing as the toothpaste was named "Bubble gum magic", it made me think of Page's most requested movie, Cindarella. Those sparkling likes and magic are everywhere. Now, this isn't a magic is evil and we should ban kids from seeing it type thread. Rather, I had the notion come to me that, while fantasy is a dimension kids in particular find more meaningful than adults, the spiritual experiences I have been having and reading more about, in particlar orbs, lights, heavenly hosts, etc, are things kids might inherently be drawn to because of increased sensitivity. Kids are typically far more spiritually aware than adults and it makes sense that kids would see this "magic"--translated into this prophetic Chrsitianese as orbs, lights, angels, etc.--as a part of every day life. In other words, kids relate to these movies moreso than anything else because it is how they really experience things. We often dismiss their fondness for these movies as youthful fantasy and regard it as nothing more. My "bubble gum magic" moment was the realization that this "magic" kids see is probably something real, something signficant and something not to be dismissed. I want to talk to the girls and see if I can ferret out some confirmation of this insight, but, I think He showed me something with why "princesses" are so enamored with their movies and all that is royal.

Curious TV

The past few weeks Kerri and I have been watching, when we have time, the new ABC show "Eli Stone". We both think the show was a concept shelved a while back, pulled out while the writer's strike waged on. However, it is interesting that the prophetic, even though it is distorted rather liberally, has risen to the level of national attention, or at least consciousness. Sure, there are some seriously frightening implications people might draw about the prophetic from watching this show. Nonetheless, the fact that a major broadcasting network put a show whose main subject matter is how a prophetic person would operate in today's society seems like a remarkably strong move. Perhaps the whole strike was run just so this show could air. I sincerely doubt it, but, He has been known to do stranger things.

When all's said and done, I think it will be phased out at the end of the season. If it lasts two, I'd be shocked. One big question we have is whether the show's writers will dabble in those ever-dangerous waters of underlining the good versus evil theme. A few years ago a show we both watched with increasing interest, "Joan of Arcadia", began get progressively closer to making a thematic statement in line with the Christian message. When they introduced the character of satan, the show abruptly ended a few weeks later. It's seems things were getting a little too real and people starting barking. Were Eli to start tapping into this type of theme, it would definitely get yanked. We're hoping, as intentionally non-religious yet spiritual as the show is, it won't get canned just yet so God can do whatever it is he needs to do with this one.

Watching with eager curiosity to see what happens...

The innocent victim.
The guilty party.

While driving a few days ago I had a nice little realization. As I passed and accident I had to physically force myself not to look. It was the strangest thing. Then, it dawned on me that many of the habits we fall into becomes forceful. The phrase, force of habit, it took on a new dimension. Having to literally force myself to not look. It was amazing to think, so many of the walls we construct are just a result of choices repeated over time. After enough repetitions, they become so engrained they seem real. It was as if a force was drawing me to look at that accident. Like someone was physically turning my head.

Then, I thought about the energy that could be freed by breaking these bonds...these habits. Being bound by habit prevents us from a great many things. A freedom found by the deliberate resistance to imaginary forces, powers. How much of our lives do we live simply obeying these forces? I didn't know I was following a habit. Only by a brief glimpse of did I realize I could turn my head, not look, start making new, different choices. I want to start applying this to my life, start looking at larger aspects, deeper habits, start seeing the forces for what they are and make new decisions. I am curious to see how unraveling these forces could transform my life. It is interesting to say the least.

You ever seen those commercials where the beagle has it's skin pulled back, wind blowing full tilt, slobber flying backwards? That's my family right now. We're busy beyond definition. Seems like this promotion God's got us absorbing than we think (or seem to think) we are able to handle without screaming, alcohol or some combination of both! Anyhow, a new car, new job, new PC (my old one died), renovations and the hope to move in the next 3-4 months. Lots on our plates. But, it seems like things will be good when we're all done. We've got some pictures on Kerri's site. As we make progress I'll post some just to show what in the world is going on.

We are reading Ephesians for our community group. While recapping 2:8-10 I noticed a new way to think about the concept that salvation can be achieved by works, but by faith alone. Never before had I seen a connection between the process of salvation-sanctification-glorification and works. Finally, it became, for me, at least, that works do have a place, as James 2 suggests, but, in the proper context, works have no value.

Salvation is received by faith and faith alone. We cannot earn salvation through acts of righteousness. The path to salvation has but on door and that is through faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and savior. No work can be involved in receiving this gift of grace. Now, back to that three part process: salvation-sanctifiation-glorification. Salvation is spiritual birth, a singular event with eternal and life-long consequences. Sanctification, however, is a much more expansive, enduring state, covering everything that occurs between birth and transcendence into the heavenly realms.

Though works have no part in that first stage of the process, works are the necessary, external evidence of one's faith in the second part of the process, sanctification. As James notes, "faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." If you look at the two scriptures without the three-part theological perspective I hinted at, they do not reconcile. How can works be valueless and necessary at the same time? They can't. Each truth has its place in the proper perspective and do not contradict or invalidate the other. For me, it took a while to realize this process was the perspective that cleared the confusion up on this matter.

Praise God.

China (again)

While considering how to deal with the issue of praying against an entire national assault it came to mind that it would really fall under the category of an Ephesians 6:13 type prayer. Praying against an entire national intent is hardly a wise idea. That pretty directly aligns with trying to individually overthow a high level spirit that stands over 1/6th of the earth's population. So, that leaves me with the question. If I have revelation that an assault of that scale and of that nature is happening against our country, how do I pray for it? How do I begin trying raise up my spirit in a way that would stop this gap? Lord, raise up prayers of intercession, prayers or protection for our country. May the praise of American people screaming your name with power, with passion and with hope be the shield raised to protect our country. Lord, be our shield.

Random thoughts:

Genius (again). This one keeps coming up because I think of the saints as spiritual geniuses. That being said, I keep seeing this image of geniuses as being tuned into a things that are always there, things we normally dismiss or are too engrossed in our normal lives to perceive. They have a higher sensitivity to these things. Take Elijah for instance. The passage where the servant goes out and sees the armies surrounding them. Elijah perceived something that was there while the servant didn't. Elijah did not change the circumstances for the servant to see. he did not make the Lord's army come. He merely gave the servant eyes to see (allowed him to possess higher sensitivity). Fasting has really been on my mind ever since I heard John Paul talk last August. One side effect of fasting is it increase one's sensitivity in all areas. I've never done any significant fasting and I am praying for people to support me in this effort through prayer, but I truly believe that fasting will begin to help me get in touch with this higher order of sensitivity.

Another variation on that theme, something that popped into my mind as I considered what I wrote about above, was the concept of memory. Many geniuses have memories that far surpass what normal people can even think of. I can't recall his name, but a mathematician who worked on the Manhattan project was tested in his 20's by being given phone books. He read them and memorized entire phone books and could recite sections of them. Some 30 or 40 years later he was able to perform the same feat without having looked at them ever again. In a way, this is superhuman. There are countless stories of this kind of astounding recollection, but, what I saw was that most people inefficiently use their memories. Most people are not truly engrossed enough in the things they are experiencing to truly recollect things in this manner. Sure, there are some abilities, not matter how much normal people practice, train and develop their memories, they will never possess or even come close to. That's why the people who have those rare gifts are one in a billion. Once in a lifetime type minds. Nonetheless, if people truly engaged themselves more completely in the life they are living instead of a conversation they had or hope to have, their moods, their obsessions, their distractions, then, memory, or the energy that could be channeled into more fully remembering things, could be of a different order. There's something about people not tuning in, being here now that I see as being a major impediment to the full use of their ability to remember things.

Good books

A few months ago our church was getting rid of its library in preparation for our upcoming move as well as a garage sale to try and raise funds for the new children's playground. Among the books I found two that are really speaking to me: Warren Wiersbe's Be Mature, about James, and a compilation called Disciplines for the Inner Life by Bob and Michael Benson. Wiersbe's book takes a no non-sense, meaty look at the letter. I have yet to see what other titles he's done, but, I love his style and writing. Perhaps I am just at a place where meaty is satisfying in ways I have never been able to appreciate until now. Nonetheless, a terrific resource. The Benson and Benson book, however, is a much larger object for me. It is a 52-chapter (one year) book discussing several areas of the spiritual life. The writing is a collection of various authors, church fathers etc. It seems to be filling my void for good writing (I miss Kierkegaard) and meaningful reflection (did I say I missed Kierkegaard). Anyway, they've been speaking to me of late and are some good books. I recommend checking them out...or, if you live near me, borrowing them.

A comment was posted the other day that I wanted to which I wanted to reply. After Kerri and I had a few days to discuss it I realized the response deserved its own post.

The comment was, "As I feel I do take an active role in having peace from God, I wonder how do you apply this within discernment?!?!?! I know what my spiritual gift is, but I am having a difficult time in knowing how to apply it!"

In response to the blogger, I don't mean to sound condescending with my response. If you have already considering what I am about to write, understand it's hard to know what people know and don't know in this medium. So, if I am recovering your tracks, forgive me.

In the end, I see two ways of considering the gift of discernment.

Fruit of the Spirit confirm one's walk

Looking at the fruit of the Spirit, it appears the characteristics outlined in the Galatians passage are not so much gifts since they are available to all Christians. These traits--love, joy, peace, patience, etc--do more to confirm a Christian is walking with the Holy Spirit than anything else. The presence of these gifts merely show one is truly living a holy life.

Spiritual gifts on the other hand can be possessed by people who are not in a holy, vibrant relationship with God. Jesus himself says there will come a time when some arrive in heaven to be judged and Christ himself will reject them even though the walked in power. Christ would more liekly not reject one whose life was marked by the demonstrative presence of the fruit of the Spirit.

Spiritual gifts edify the Body of Christ

All the lists of spiritual gifts I have ever seen do not include anything about any of the fruits as belonging on that list. Discernment, noted in 1 Corinthians 12:10, does fall into this list. When Paul talks about gifts in general he does mention that "to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good." (1 Cor 12:7) Prior to that he outlines, what I have seen scholoars categorize, one of the the three persons of the Godhead under whose authority each gift belongs.

Discernment falls into the area of the service gifts. A good reference article I find informative is John MacArthur's The Permanent Edifying Gifts -- The Serving Gifts: Mercy, Faith, and Discernment. From this it seems reasonable to infer that serving is the basis for developing the gift of discernment. As the 12:10 verse suggests, all spiritual gifts, including discernment, are meant to edify the Church as a whole.

To me, discernment ties in very closely with the revelatory gifts and the intertwined workings of apostles and prophets. Of course, the issue of what one believes on these matters determines how applicable discernment is in today's church, but, recognizing truth from falsehood is the essence of discernment. If this recognition has no "next step", I see it as being dead in today's church. In other words, if falsehood is recognized but there is no authoritative response to this falsehood, what good is the gift of discernment? Additionally, discernment allows for powerful intercession through words of knowledge and revelation as well as an added dimension no other gift can mimic.

I know this may sound crazy, but, Googling gift of discernment offers some interesting starting points. One I liked about the true gift says,

I'm guessing that you're talking about the spiritual gift of discernment (a rare thing) rather than the Spirit-led process of day-to-day discernment. A lot of people really believe that they or their pastor or a friend have been given a special gift for discerning the Godliness of the spirit of something or someone. Very few have shown this gift when they try to put it to work. It tends to break down into an internal political thing. Gift-discernment is often sent by the Spirit for situations rather than full-time, and works like a strong intuition (but more Spiritually focused, like a laser). When it's there, it's to be used, like other gifts, to build others up, and it's always to be used in a very Christ-like manner (but you have to read the Gospels a lot to catch what that is).

Gifts are a mystery, to be lived rather than understood.

Source: http://www.spirithome.com/letters5.html

Again, I want to be clear discernment is not one of my giftings, but, a close relationship with the Spirit is key. Remembering that the edification of the Church is key as it keeps on humble and constructive in the use of this gift, like all others. And, continued development of one's character over one's gift is a surefire way to built any gift, regardless of the existing measure of a gift.

These are my first thoughts on the matter.

Lastly, an article from Paul Keith Davis, on of the few people I have actually heard and know something about. http://www.charismamag.com/display.php?id=8564

Yesterday Kerri had to take one of the kids to the doctor. On the way home she ran out of time and decided to do "Donald's" as Emma calls McD's. In the window of the store they had Shrek signs. Page said told Kerri the toys they were giving with Happy Meals were Strawberry Shortcake. Kerri said, "We'll see," having seen the ogre in the window. Lo and behold, Strawberry Shortcake dolls. Page quickly chimed in, "See, I was right." Immediately after that, Page started asking when uncle Chris was going to get a girl. I guess I better start saving for the wedding now. : )

Kerri's brother, Kevin, got us a one year subscription to Blockbuster's online rentals. This week we received the Last Mimsy. I had seen the preview and thought it looked interesting. It should have been obvious, from the previews alone, the movie was much more than it appeared to be. Within moments of turning it on Kerri said, "Should we be watching this?" I dismissed it because I wanted to see the movie and didn't really feel like listening. Within a few minutes it became crystal clear the movie was a ploy to push the Buddhist-New Physics movement. Now, it's not a long forgotten part of my past where I got lost in physics. But, the edge of physics I was interested in bordered more religion than it does on practical application. This movie had so much blatant propaganda it was sad. What truly concerned me, however, was the fact they are wrapping these ideas up in sheepskin. Kids could easily get roped in because of the gee-whiz factor brought up by the FX gurus. Nonetheless, the darker themes, levitation, thought control, telekinesis...these all appeal to kids who are alienated and open to wonders. Sounds like most of this gifted generation. Turn around and look at the indigo kids and we see the same movement, only for artistically inclined cultures.

These types of movements are nothing new. What really piqued my interest was an article I read the other day on one of my athlete's sites. This isn't the first time I had heard about Garrett Lisi, but, after reading his paper, it did become clear something larger might be worth keeping an eye on. Of course physicists heap praise quickly whenever something seems like it might be groundbreaking because it represents the possibility of a new era in the field and everyone starts getting excited. Nonetheless, much of the work that comes from this field these days seems a lot less like science and more like applied mysticism. My deepest concern is that the theories being proposed today are merely the science of tomorrow as it takes years to test and prove theories. In other words, I believe that the field of science has become a hotbed for closet metaphysicians and undercover spiritualist and occult practicioners. With our kids being exposed to these ideas through movies like this and the theorists coming up with the next 15-50 years of prisms through which to examine reality, I see a coup in the making and feel compelled to note it.

We went to community group tonight. During the course of the discussion I was reminded of a theme that has cropped up during a few conversations I have had with my mentor. The fruit of the Spirit are prayed for all the time. For years I have prayed, hoped and wished the Lord would give me peace, joy, patience, etc. Only in the last few months I have I realized that my role in pursuing these fruit has been one of a passive person. In essence, I have wanted God to just give me peace, joy, patience, etc. I wanted to receive them no questions asked, no strings attached, nothing sacrificed.

God has really helped me to come to a new understanding of the fruit. Like anything we truly value, the fruit are to be actively sought. Paul writes in several verses throughout the Epistles that we are to be at peace with others. In the context of those verses the people to whom Paul writes are being instructed to actively create peace. Whether by exercising self-control, choosing (or willing) to be joyful in the face of otherwise unappreciable odds or loving those who do not deserve love, Paul points to an example of the Christian life as one where we make God's invisible love known through our very visible lives.

Without some investment in our cultivation of the fruit of the Spirit, a true appreciation of how God's Spirit confirms the value of a person's walk is really just a matter of chance. And, I'm not a believer in chance...at all. It really helped me take a different perspective on "receiving" the fruit when I came to see that we must engage, participate, actively put ourselves into the labor of creating lives worthy of being blessed with God's presence.

Hannah Arendt wrote in The Human Conditon of how essential labor is for a true sense of meaning and purpose. Our spiritual walk is certainly no different. Only today, as Arendt noted, we are losing an appreciation for the value of labor and this larger erosion of character and value is manifesting in our spiritual walk as well. It might be good to note the concept of the anima/animus as a good model for outlining the active/masculine I sense many Christians lack in this arena since we demonstrate, in this respect, more of a passivity, a trait akin to the soul's feminine manifestation, the animus. It was Adam, after all, who was charged with the curse of toiling in order to survive. Christianity is a work of love, but, we must remember, not all work is bad. Indeed, working with God to create a life where He will be honored enough to reveal himself is worth more than anything I can think of.

An interesting site I stumbled across while researching Windows relics--DOS--showed me another trick that I has heard of but never delved into: alternate data streams on NTFS. Alternate Data Streams are a lesser known feature of NTFS that has been taken advantage of by occasionally less than ethical folks. Shortly after exploring ADS I began exploring the use of this and found that ADS software is hard to program. It is also being outmoded by Vista. Nonetheless, it was a cool read.

We've had some interesting discussions around our house the past few days. With the shocking number of toy recalls coming from Chinese items--the latest being a contaminant which mimics the effects of GHB, the date rape drug. The article, as long as it is up, can be located here: Toy contaminated with 'date rape' drug pulled (link: http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/11/08/toy.recall/). One excerpt reads as outlined below:

U.S. safety officials have recalled about 4.2 million Chinese-made Aqua Dots bead toys that contain a chemical that has caused some children to vomit and become comatose after swallowing them.

Bindeez, which were named Australia's toy of the year, contain a chemical that converts into a "date rape" drug.

Scientists have found the popular toy's coating contains a chemical that, once metabolized, converts into the toxic "date rape" drug GHB, or gamma-hydroxy butyrate, U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission spokesman Scott Wolfson told CNN.

Kerri had the idea pop into her head that this is biological warfare. Now, technically, it's not biological, but rather chemical. It completely made sense to me. Of course, American companies invest in off-shore markets because it has a double benefit to coporations by helping them bypass taxation as well as reduce the bottom line because of reduced production costs. But, I think she's onto something, there is a larger, more suspicious problem. The cold war has been dismissed as a thing of the past, but, with the competitive interests of an entire national body at hand, why wouldn't members of China with longheld interests outside of the purely financial motives poison our children? By placing toxic ingredients, so far, the most commonly known are lead, but, I'm adding GHB to the list, our children are unknowingly being exposed to life-altering chemicals in the most "innocent" of ways...via toys. What would be a better plan? American soil cannot be attacked directly. If you destroy its future, however, you can gain power in due time. The increased number of cases of autism is well-noted yet not understood. I feel that many of the things that have been happening on US soil with our kids are the result of external influences which have been flying under the radar for years now. Hopefully more things will become clear and unveiled.

One of the most intriguing scriptures I've focused on in several years comes out of Revelation 18. While speaking of the judgement of Bablyon, verses 11-13 say the following:

11 And the traders of the earth are weeping and crying over her, because no man has any more desire for their goods, 12 Gold, and silver, and stones of great price, and jewels, and delicate linen, and robes of purple and silk and red; and perfumed wood, and every vessel of ivory, and every vessel made of fair wood, and of brass, and iron, and stone; 13 And sweet-smelling plants, and perfumes, and wine, and oil, and well crushed grain, and cattle and sheep; and horses and carriages and servants; and souls of men.

This last item is what gets my attention: "and souls of men". A nice summarization of this word, psuche, can be found here. Selling one's soul is mentioned elsewhere in the Bible--see the end of Matthew 16. But, the context here is about others (the traders of the earth - v. 11) selling souls. Indeed, the phrase, at least as it is put in the NIV, "merchandise" connects souls with items and goods...things for sale and purchase. Everything in this seems an acceptable item until the last two, servants and souls of men. Even in those days, slavery was an acknowledged practice. However, the sale of souls was not accepted, not even then.

The treatments of souls as objects is a problem prevelant today in our own society, but, the danger alluded to by John, even back then, seems to be overlooked in our world. Schools have become educational institutions whose commodities provide ideas and minds capable of producing them as if they were merely goods like any other object for sale. Look at the top educational facilities in the United States. People hone their skills and shape their lives hoping to get into these schools because of the opportunity it brings. In reality, this perverse dance is a fight to get selected for sale to the highest bidder. The people who graduate from top schools are often the prize or trophy products of these systems. They are highly valuable things corporations fight to capture in order to strengthen their systems and organizations. Nowhere in there is the notion of selling souls overlooked. In fact, it is embedded at the very heart of the model!

I always go with Augustine's model of the soul: mind, will and emotions. In selling our soul we see three components. Now, at times we are all challenged to compromise some part of ourself. What I am pointing out here is blatant, complete focus on using one's soul for non-godly profit. The mind, when committed to the world, is often used as an instrument within the system and framework being discussed here. Ideas are treated as immaterial objects, the product of minds. How the will and emotions react/interact with this systematic objectification are of little concern to this system. Veils such as professionalism and high standards or ethics are used to cloud the matter because the only thing looked at is the output of the soul, the ideas, the research, the materials produced and the power and/or profitability of these things. Little note or care is given to the misery and hubris often found in the lives of the people sacrificing themselves to do this work. Unrecognized or untreated psychological issues, severe personality disorders, depression, grave behavioral disorders, fatal character flaws, simple social unacceptability. Any and sometimes all of these things can be found in the people whose works gains praise after praise, but whose lives are demolished under the weight of this conflict. Now, I won't pretend that everyone is like this. There are many well-adjusted, brilliant people who are simply in a league of their own. But, how many of them are doing Christ's work? How many of them are changing the world for the Kingdom? I see so many of these brilliant stars as simply enjoying the thrill of being the war of the world. They don't truly want to change it. They just want to experience the sense of power that makes the world work.

I can't recall whether it was two or three days ago, but I had a small idea come to mind that seemed to have potentially interesting implications. Lightning is a natural phenomenon intrinsically found to restore balance to the electrostatic environment of a region. In particular, lightning aims to equalize the ionic disproportion between disparate geoatmospheric regions. Parallel to this cycle I saw John Paul Jackson's teachings on justice possessing a supernatural reflection of this event. God seeks to restore justice in much the same way electrical storms create electrical balance in the atmosphere. After doing some research into the natural act of lightning I don't yet see a clear parallel between God in heaven transmitting his power to those who have been treated with injustice. But, I sense there is something there. Perhaps it's the idea, not so much the detailed, scientific explanation that holds the weight here. Nonetheless, I always remember the notion that the power of God often accumulates most on those who have been the most unjustly treated; to me this seems a perfect parallel to the dissipation of negative electrical energy that occurs with lightning strikes.

After further consideration the Apostles and Christ seemed to live in a state of spiritual charge. Storms come and go, so there doesn't seem to be a perfect analogy between the presence of the spirit manifesting God's power and annointing and the phenomenon of lightning. One other mythological element stood out as well. Zeus was said to throw lightning bolts. The idea being the divine sends powerful demonstrations of its majesty. Job said, "Will lightning flash at your command? (38:35) God clearly has control over this phenomenon and I am just trying to see if there is any greater truth that can be illustrated with this natural phenomenon, but the idea that the spiritual imbalance and atmosphere created by injustice can be dispelled and justice restored like the normal electrical chrages of a region.

For a few years now I have had, at the very least, the root idea of writing a book on several words in English which do not carry the weight or shades of meaning they did in Greek or Hebrew. It wasn't until a few weeks ago while researching some terms for work that I found the correct terms to precisely identify this phenomenon. In document indexing, computer scientists have seen a common linguistic phenomena cause problems. That is polysemy. In short, this is where one word can have multiple meanings. In English this works both ways. For instance, C. S. Lewis' legendary work, The Four Loves, delves to the very heart of this matter. He identifies four Greek words for the one English word love. By exploring the differences between the realities refered to by these words he shows that, even though they share a common label--the English word love--Lewis shows that one word does injustice in accurately reflecting or implying what is being symbolized.

Lewis' work is by far the most popular example of the type of work I feel inclined to work towards. My biggest struggle is how to write about these things without making it too heady, academic or dry. To me, these are exciting, powerful revelations. They transform and empower my faith. I guess I just need God to give a little wisdom about how to couch this message in the right language so people see the value without getting turned off by the packaging.

At any rate, some of the words I want to really focus on are truth, power, time and being. These are words right in the heart of the philosophical community, and they have been for a long time. In spite of my hopes to escape the philosophical, talk-based method of reaching out, I find this idea still with me. Usually when something like this doesn't go away I hvae a hard time dismissing it. This one in particular has been around for about 5 or 6 years now. Hopefully the 10 words to change your faith will become a real book one day!

Well, it has been way too long since I've had a chance, read that to mean energy, to post. The girls--and boy--are on vacation and I can actually find my two brain cells long enough to get them to spark a little. Since the last post, the biggest news has been the addition of our latest. William LeGrand Steele IV was born June 17, 2007. You can read the full, harrowing story at Kerri's blog (check the links). We have been adjusting to this ever since.

Of note was getting to see Josh Young worship and John Paul Jackson talk last night and this morning. I had contacted Josh a few months back about a musican I heard at church. He said to say hey when he came to town. I actually stayed home from vacation so I could go to the Streams night of worship. It was a hard decision but I was so determined to go to the night of worship, it was not much of a choice.

Anyhow, the worship was amazing. I knew Josh had a powerful presence of the Spirit on him, but, I've been longing for great worship for months and hearing him play was so refreshing! Praise God for good worship.

John Paul talked this morning on faith. It was a good sermon for me. Like so many other things lately, his teaching helped to crystalize some ideas very soundly in my mind. Below is a general outline of what he taught on. It was refreshing for me and it gave me a chance to see some things I believe will help through the next couple of weeks (read that to mean "season").

During some of my recent promptings it became apparent I am supposed to begin exploring the gift of teaching. About two years ago, while attending Southeast Vineyard in Baton Rouge, our pastor felt led to do an exercise where people walked up to a bag and pulled out a sheet of paper with one of the five gifts (Ephesians 4) listed on it. At the time I was in the throes of my introduction to Streams and was so high on revelatory breakthrough and my newfound identification with all things prophetic, that was the only thing I could even want to accept. And, as the Lord would have it, I picked out teacher. Well, shocking to no one, including myself, teaching was the one. Sharnael pointed out that she had gotten the same word from Bob Jones and was disappointed, but Bob noted that apostles were able to move in all the gifts. From this, I just noted that we are often given a starting place, teaching in my case, and grow from there. At any rate, I am beginning to focus on my call. Tonight, as I was digging through internet articles, I did stumble across a catholic encyclopedia entry discussing the different gifts listed in the Ephesians passage among others. What jumped out to me in this entry, though I am not fully agreeable to catholic doctrine, was the idea of the charismata. In my writings I have been discussing the idea of genius off and on simply because it was the closest concept upon which I could hang what I have been trying to communicate. As I noted the term charismata, which itself is hardly a new term to me, it came clear that the notion of genius, particularly the etymology and the general contextual roots of this concept, was not right for what I have been trying to express. Genius is more of a personal ability, an unusual gifting, but the focus is the self. Charismata, however, focuses on the fact that it is a gift, that is, something given to one, not innate in nature. As is true with so much of what I am learning is the spiritual walk Jesus laid out, genius is really more about self for most than charismata. We can't claim to have given ourself the gifts, in my case, the gift of teaching. And, furthermore, I must realize, if I am being honest with myself, that the gift is not really for me, it is from God, for others. I am simply the vessel. So, there was a major shift in my perception about a subtle distinction, but, one that cleared up some major cobwebs in my mind. All things considered, I am eager to look into the office/gift of teacher to see what the charismata itself suggests.

A few days ago Kerri and I went to one of Barbie's meetings. While talking with Steve I asked if he had any books that he could think of which discussed the office of teacher. The question really grew out of the disparity between the overwhelming number of books there are on apostolic, prophetic and evangelistic matters, yet, the lack of books of the office/gift of teacher. Steve said maybe it was my place to write one. I pray he is right! Not to mention how cool it was that, though I had been thinking about emailing Barbie for a month about exactly those resources, I didn't and lo and behold, that night, she noted that 2008 will be a year for annointed teachers to be released. I immediately leapt at the thought..."This is it!" Then I realized, if it is, I've got a lot of work to do. We'll see...

On another unrelated note, I heard a musician named Anthony Skinner on Streams Music over the past few weeks. One of his songs just absolutely floored me and it came back to mind while listening to a Vineyard disc. The Skinner song I flipped over is called "All I Want is you". It can be heard here: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/askinner. Just an awesome song. From his site I found several other awesome musicians and websites. Seems an answer to recent prayer requesting a new breath of music in my life. Praise God. Another musician I found recently, well, she actually came to our church, is Michelle Tumes. Great songs. Amazing annointing. I'm so eager to hear what happens with her over the next few years. Her site is located at: http://michelletumes.com/default.asp. For me, the one song that really spoke was "Hold on to Jesus". It's so envigorating that He is bringing a little life in such a dry spot of my life...I miss music and am glad he has brought some to me.

While doing some research on file type and library registrations I had a little bit of a random question. As I tried to find answers to the questions, I found a nice little resource about hidden file types. At a rather humorously titled site, Microsuck.com, I found a nice resource about a few switches I had never seen before. (The article is titled Microsoft's Really Hidden Files by the way.) Within the article it discusses explorer pre-configured masking of the IE and TIF (Temporary Internet Files) regardless of whether you modify the .ini files in these directories. What's more interesting, and here is where the switches begin to come into the picture, is the fact that DOS does not mention anything about these directory contents. In the article, it is discussed that you should go to these directory, use the dir command with an /as/s switch to display the contents. Now, you can't see the contents via Explorer even if you turn on the hidden files in the Folder Options >> View panel. Being an anti-Microsoft proponent this is an interesting arguing point, but, the extra piece of info gives a nice bit of leverage to extra otherwise inaccessible files. Furthermore, I discovered the Recycler (Recycled in pre-XP OS's) directory and was able to find some interesting contents on test machines with the /as/s switch there as well. You have to know the profile ID numbers for each profile on the machine, otherwise you're out of luck because, again, you cannot browse to the folder contents via Explorer, but you can access them with the /s[ecret] switch. This type of stone being turned over makes me wonder what other hidden directories I don't know about. I did run C:\dir /as/s > c:\testoutput\hidden.txt to find a nice accessible list, because, otherwise, I'd have to run a huge buffer for the DOS window. It took a while to process, but showed a lot of space Microsoft hidden directories consume. Neat stuff. I like CEH research.

While reading through some blogs of folks from a message board I frequent I realized that there are many more people I encounter these days who blog not to make an impact on the world, but rather, to record their thoughts. I find myself with my feet in one stream as much as the other. I think we must have record of our thoughts, mainly for posterity's sake. A while back I mentioned that specifically as being one of the reasons for my blogging. Yet, I find that I long for community at the same time. Blogging fashioned a bridge to allow me, and I think many others, with the opportunity to leave a trail of bread crumbs along the paths of our mindscapes and life's journey. At the same time, a need for community, a need to share this journey consistently presses into my heart and mind. Sometimes the notion that a given thought is pretty unique or possibly even original... Or the hope that what I'm experiencing may help someone in their growth and development... Perhaps the possibility that what I write will spur someone else to a new insight or revelation...

This type of hope is something that moves people to write, and for as long as most writers have put ideas in public form, the most practical solution. With the advent of the information explosion and public technology, the boundaries of distributing information have shifted. Now, people can express their ideas more easily and readily than ever before. Yet ,this has created a new dynamic: the problem of informational quality. Before, publishing was an educated person's privilege. As technology for publishing personal writing proliferated the percentage of educated writer's content dropped signficantly in the entire body of published writings. Now, readers have to think and be more crtical of what they allow their minds to consume more than ever. Anyone can open up a word processor and spout things, save the document and be done. Though publishing to the web had some restrictions just a decade ago, that baracade has been dropped with the advent of blogging and public systems whose aim is widespread, ease of access for basically anyone with internet connection.

So, there is a bit of a dichotomy now. With so many people sharing their lives, there is a newfound wealth of personal experiences from which to learn and study human lives...to explore human narratives...and to see how folks you might never meet in the ordinary course of events live. So, even though we are isolated more and more by life schedules and the unspoken walls erected by classism and the dictatorial nature of today's fear-based society of avoidance, we have this virtual insight into the lives behind the walls. We have to wonder how true and accurate these dialogues are. Most blogs are unread and most questionable thoughts, beliefs or experiences probably never get questioned because their isn't enough dialectic since dialectic requires others with which to dialogue. Their is a mixed blessing in this blog-manic society. More information than ever before with less critical review means the degree of potential error and danger is higher than ever before. So, as many wise folks have noted of the blogging revolution, take everything with a block of salt, there is still a new mass of raw material from which great riches can be obtained if the right mind and opportunity meet.

So, my Toshiba had a fit about 3 weeks ago and gave up the ghost. As it turns out, the DC jack pin cracked away from the housing (check out the picture for the villain here). The cheapest service I could find started at $99. Parts, labor and the time without my PC were not really on the top of my list of things to split with for more than a few days. Well, a little research led me to a nice little website with wholesale parts; the jack ran a little over $21. After I got the part, which in and of itself was a little process, I realized, even though my dad had been kind enough to leave behind is soldering gun and some solder, I didn't have any solder wick. With the part in hand, I decided I'd try and get my merit badge for PC disassembly and self repair. (I think that merit badge also passes for the one with bravery/stupidity mark on it.) Having never opened a laptop before, it was a little risky, but I knew exactly what was wrong and it was not any different from the board repair I used to have to do on control boards at Advendtech. It took me about 3 hours to get to the jack. The process of undoing the PC was quite roundabout. I realized this when, after I completely reassembled it in 15 minutes, I had to disassemble it and it took me about 20 minutes. To keep from jumping ahead too much, I had to head to my trusty Radio Shack. I picked up a nice 40 watt solder gun with replaceable tips, 5 feet of wick, some copper solder, a desoldering vacuum and a heating desoldering gun. I'd never seen a desoldering gun with a vacuum bulb on it and, having had issues with solder in the past, knew how nice a tool that would be to have. (So, any of my friends that need solder gear, call me up!) Even though I completely cleaned the solder, it took me a while to get it off for fear of cracking the board. It was in the board very snuggly. It did come off though and I managed to get the new piece in. So, for about $58 I managed to repair my Toshiba. As a matter of fact, I'm using it to make this entry right now! That's about the most exciting thing I've done in a while aside from some C# info I've dug up that makes a little program I'm working on that much closer to coming together.

Catching up...

My parents were in this weekend for a visit. Kerri and I did our first couple's shower, and, from the looks of it, I wasn't the only guy who was being initiated into the club of men who have done couple's showers. In spite of our introduction to the new concept, it turned out to be a lot of fun for all.

Also of note, my sole athlete these days, Marius Nel, a 38-year old South African middle distance runner, managed to win the 800m age-group national title and silvers in the 400m and 1,500m this year. Last year, our first year working together, he came in as an unheralded 37 year-old and snuck out with the gold in both 800m and 1,500m. This year, he had some competition from a 1,500m runner who had gotten snubbed last year. The 400m, a new event for Marius proved to be surprising as he placed well against a sub-50 guy after having won the 800 and placing second in the 1,500m. It was more of a fun event for him, but he did great nonetheless. Congrats Marius. Next step, World Championships in Italy in September.

As far as more typical fare for this blog, I had two interesting points really come up this week. The first, and more recent of the two, was last night. While reading 1 Samuel 12 I stumbled across the following comment by Samuel himself.

As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by failing to pray for you.

This particular line really jumped out at me because it tweaked the idea of praying for others. It's said through Scripture we should pray for others, but no where is it so clear to me we must pray for others to avoid sin. Perhaps the New Testament considers this more of an implied responsibility, particularly for intercessors and prayer warriors. Either way, the idea of being held accountable for not praying takes it a step further than failing to be fully responsible. Now, it can be put forward that, since Samuel was a priest, it was clearly within his responsibilities to offer petitions and prayers on behalf of the people. Implied from this can be the conclusion that most people are not therefore potentially guilty for not praying. However, I want to take it in a positive direction and intimate that we are to consider this an instance where the law is a shadow of the heavenly realities and failing to pray for others is not a sin-worthy offense but rather we see praying for others with the same gravity, only in terms of love. We are required by God to pray for others as an act of love. When we get to heaven and God asks us did you learn to love, we should be able to say, an act of expressing that love, we prayed, that, yes, we learned to love because of our prayers lifted to the Lord on their behalf.

Another note...

Earlier this week I managed to get out of the office a little early. I called Kerri to tell her I was done and she said, "I know, Page told me about 30 seconds ago that you were ready to be picked up." Just another instance of our little prophet. Lord, fill her with character and the fruit of your Spirit as well as a greater measure of your faith. From these may she grow in her gifts to honor and serve you. Thank you for giving Kerri and I such wonderful children and fill us with wisdom, love and character that we may help these people grow to the fullness for which you have created them through our instruction, love and guidance!

Divine appointments are all around us. I remember reading a long time ago that many eastern cultures often treat strangers as if they might be God. In Scripture, Hebrews 13:2, it says, "Be not forgetful of strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares." Today, while getting gas after Kerri picked me up I stepped out of the van thinking, almost feeling, someone was going to come up and talk to me. I saw no one, but was not surprised when an older African American man came up asking if he could pump my gas or wash the winshield on the van. I tend to wait until people act to gauge where they're coming from, so, I didn't think anything specific about him because he seemed to be nothing other than a man trying to help and possibly make a few dollars if he could. Unlike other people in this scenario I heard him talking to all sorts of pople, only, he started talking about scriptural truths. Part of mind began to think, okay, even satan knows scripture, but, it wasn't really a pressing notion. Instead I talked to him. I felt compelled to ask him about a dream, but just talked to him. As I was getting ready to he said, "Anything you can give." I said, "I can give you prayer." To a little surprise he was very receptive. I prayed for this guy, in the middle of 6pm Friday gas station traffic as fully as I would pray in church. Then he prayed over me. It was a very interesting encounter.

I was reminded of some of my other odd encounters and wonder how many people find themselves in the quirky places I seem to stumble into...mostly at gas stations. There was one time I got into a theological discussion with a satanist at a gas station on New Year's eve in Florida. Another time I met a druid who proceeded to hit on me (he was a man by the way) and who definitely had something supernatural going on with him. He was very much reading mail...I could tell by how he was fashioning his conversation. Lots of interesting, weird experiences at gas stations come to think of it. These always remind me of how much I like to pray. Thank God for giving me a passion for prayer. I feel that my desires for outreach are growing and my fear of going to streets are diminishing thanks to encounters like this. Lord, let your power fall that I may lead people to you through your grace and mercy.

Pager the revelatory girl

Yesterday I had to run to work to restart some of the machines because of the bad weather that blew through the night before. About 30 seconds before I came home Page turned to Kerri and said, "Daddy's home." Kerri replied, "I didn't hear the garage door open." Page walked to the other side of the kitchen about which time the door started to open. Kerri said to Page, I guess you were right. We get humbled when we do this quite often. We have learned to trust a lot of Page's foreknowings. She has known, within 3 days of conception, every time Kerri has been pregnant. We often jokingly ask each other if we should ask Page about things before they happen. Of course, with things like this, we are only half joking and even that percentage is dropping with each new things like this she does. Lord, help us, as parents, encourage and foster this gift as you have called us to.

Several years ago I avowed to learn Hebrew. I have a slight penchant for languages, but when I tried the first time, wasn't truly dedicated in this pursuit and didn't it make it much further than the alphabet. At times I've had visions of interesting things in Hebrew, phrases or images. But, I still have yet to truly learn the language. On Friday, while listening to some of John Paul's Fireside Chats, he was asked a question regarding Hebrew. As he responded to the question I thought I might like to resume pursuit of the language itself.

During another Fireside Chat this week, John Paul mentioned the pattern of choice and character formation. I will have to find the exact pattern, but essentially, thought leads to choice which leads to action which leads to habit which leads to attitudes which leads to character. This pattern has given me a nice structure on which to begin analyzing my life and perform some soul searching so I can pursue a deepened degree of order in my life. It is really a response to a call I feel God has placed in my heart to clean up my act. Nonetheless, I was very, very pleased to stumble across a website regarding Hebrew thinking which had a subpage called "Clear Thinking". On this page it says:

Many of the problems we experience in our lives, both individually and corporately, result from a lack of clarity in our thinking about what is real, true, and essential. It is rare indeed to find a person who takes the time to think clearly about things. Too often our fast-paced, over-stimulated, jacked-up society simply acts like a pack of Pavlovian dogs responding to the bells and whistles of the postmodern “techno culture” rather than as rational agents created in the image and likeness of God.

It doesn’t have to be that way. We can break free of the hypnotic conformity that surrounds us if we are willing to acquire the skill of intelligently listening to the thoughts that are inside our heads - and inside the heads of others in our society. These thoughts, of course, evidence themselves as decisions, which lead to actions, which lead to character formation (inward) and cultural expression (outward).

This section of the site is devoted to the appreciation of clear thinking. With the aid of clear thinking and the impartation of wisdom from God, we can be better equipped to “rightly divide the word of truth” and thereby know the truth, which, as the Master has said, will set us free.

Though I am not necessarily aiming to reinforce my intellectual disposition, this is precisely my heart's desire and has been for a long time. I long to remove character flaws that reside in my mind. Learning to think clearly, that is, to have common sense and abide in truth as God reveals it to me, is a major goal of my life. Several years ago, and many times in between, I have begun a pursuit of logic in order to understand the laws of the mind that I may truly be armed for protection against others, myself and the enemy as well as to possess the skills needed, as Paul had, to disarm people in their foolishness and incorrect thinking. I guess my biggest set back is typically not staying alert enough and maintaining my awareness to enact what I have know. Lord, renew my heart and mind that I shall hear the moments of kairos when lies and self-deception may be unveiled, when false opinions can be crushed and grant me the mercy to speak truth in love that you may be glorified, honored and accepted as God's chosen.

As seems to be the consistent trend of late, God talked to me a lot during service this morning. Here are a few of the things he remarked upon:

1. A long time ago I began to have a deep-seated suspicion of Paul's teachings. They are so different from Jesus' and the Apostle's teachings that I feel like he is an alien influence of sorts. One of my favorite passages, but one I also discounted the most, was Paul's usage of temple language when discussing the human body (1 Cor. 6:19). Yet, today, though I had probably read it a dozen times, God highlighted the verse in John 2:21 where John writes, after Jesus' clearing of the Temple, "...The temple he had spoken of was his body." The only thing clearer than that would have been Christ himself using that language. Every time I try to discount Paul's teachings, something else comes up and leads me to think it's not really as I once saw it.


2. Probably the biggest point He made today revolved around a few attitudes and struggles I have been having of late. I wrote a few weeks back about frustration and have been quietly wrestling with a sense of meaninglessness with regards to my personal life and work. While fumbling through some passages I came to Romans 8:18. The first sentence caught my eye, but it was the word "frustration" that really jumped out at me. Reading through the entire post, I felt a very clear response to my pleadings with the Lord to help me understand what is going on in my life. The body of Romans 8:18-21 reads as follows:
   
   

   I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed to us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

   
   The creation referred to here is "ktisis". An excellent discussion of the term, as is it used by Paul in this passage, is discussed by Rich Deem is discussed here. In this passage, Deem outlines that the creation alluded to by Paul must be a rational, and therefore, human creation. Within the context of the passage, he also outlines that this creation can be concluded as being the Gentile body the gospel is aimed to reach.
   That being said, my own frustration ties more closely with the futility of an unredeemed mind. Were I to be submitting to Christ in all things, I would have a different attitude about the struggles in my life. They are not, as Paul writes, worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed to us." As I pray through this and God continues to give me mercy and revelation, He is showing and molding me to have a more Christ-like attitude and ultimately, a God-like character. Praise God for his revelation and loving kindness.
   Even more interesting than this, the passage that caught my attention, is that the editors of the bible I use titled the next section "More than Conquerers". Romans 8:37 pinpoints a stronger point. The inherent meaning of my name, William, is "conquerer" or "resolute defender" depending on the etymology; at times I see that as being very significant because I feel faced with great warfare that I feel God calls me to overcome...to conquer. But, putting this into the context of this recent bit of insight, I am inclined to hear that God is aiming to give me peace about the sense of meaninglessness and frustration I have in my life.
   Beyond this gift of understanding, I am to understand, and actively move forward with my choices and attitudes, being aware that, in as much as my namesake impels me to overcome and conquer, Paul's writings indicate that the innate drive commanded by my namesake stops short of God's call. In fact, we are called to realize, reflecting back on Paul's statement in verse 18, that he spoke of the incomparable glory to which our troubles might be compared , verse 35 recalls this point and reminds us that nothing shall separate us from his love. That glory is beyond the realm of conquering, a glory of inseparable love, which even our problems, not matter how great, cannot steal, kill or destroy. Conquerers overcome and cast down, but, their power is one of passing right. Christ's love, on the other hand, shall never be overcome. Once it is in us, it cannot be replaced. Nothing we face can compare to this. This is a deeply powerful truth and I pray God would help me to sear it into the depths of my being so I can live as one who is more than a conquerer.


3. 
   

Are the sinners in your life really sinful enough?

I wonder at times if I inject myself far enough into the world to draw God's power as fully as He wants to demonstrate it. My first answer is, sure, there are sinners everywhere, we're all sinners. But, my second glancing blow at the question sticks a little bit more. Jesus hung out with prostitutes (I don't do that), tax collections (I don't do that), sick and dying-if not dead-people (I don't do that), the outcast (I don't do that) and the generally all-around-unaccepted-and-unacceptable people in our society. So, how do I do that?

As a parent, I think, I don't want my kids exposed to things that could give them bad influences. But, then I am forced to think of the Apostles. Peter most likely had children. We know he was married because Jesus healed his mother-in-law. Mother-in-laws only come in one flavor, though marriage relationships. To imagine Peter having children is really not a far stretch at this point. So, I wonder, what did Peter think? Did he ever wonder if his kids were going to get a bad influence as he followed Jesus around healing leprosy, talking to Samaritan women and healing the dead?

In today's world, we are so afraid of these things that we isolate ourselves from those who need us most. I know as a parent, I don't want prostitutes in my house because they might do things that will make my children go ways that are potentially sinful. But, in reality, I think Christ would be saddened by this. This quietly presumes that God is not capable of protecting my kids. I guess part of it is the idea that I do not feel truly capable of protecting my kids and my wife from the things that might enter our lives when we open those doors.

Sometimes people who are on the edge of society are less concerned with obeying societies rules and tend to do more of what they want or need to do regardless of the consequences. That kind of abandon frightens me. What if a crack addict we try to heal doesn't accept Christ, breaks into my house and kills one of my kids? Or, what if one of the prostitutes we try to heal has AIDS and affects one of us? These are real questions, but certainly not things God can't take care of. I guess I confess my fear outweighs my faith at this point and pray that God will give me the courage to do the things he places in my spirit regardless of what my mind presents as valid reasons for not doing these things.

I think about the irony of 1 Corinthians. This book of the Bible is often one of the most cited, most "Christian" books in the entire New Testament. It talks about love, spiritual gifts and the Body of Christ. But, people forget that Paul was writing a congregation that had orgies, sexual sin, pride, incest and internal division and strife as some of the more obvious issues going on in their midst. Now, let me ask you, if your church was in this state, would you still be attending it? I know it was a different time and sexual practices were more tied to religion of that day, but, still, these people had some major sin issues.

At the heart of the fact is this: Paul was allowed to speak some of the most powerfully unpacked applications of Christ's life in this epistle because the sin was so great. Indeed, corporate education is needed to impact the ignorance and lack of faith demonstrated by these people because fundamental understandings and principles of Christ was truly grasped in this body. Minor issues are easily dealt with, but, the great power of Christ is most clearly displayed where the most deficient segments of relationship and understanding of God are. For me, to impact the way the Apostles impacted, I have to do something radical, something that goes to the root of the situation, and go where their is the most ignorance of Christ, both as the result of negligence and as the result of willful rejection. There Christ, as he did with the Corinthians, can do the most good. It is those who don't know that can be affected the most, because if you do know and simply don't do, you are responsible for your own lack of responsiveness to the call of Christ.