Good for evil

I recall hearing John Paul Jackson talking about spinning things. In particular, if a person had a dark dream, he would interpret it in such a way that there was a positive response that could be made. Now, it's possible to see this as deception. I had a dream where Satan was telling me I was going to die, but, you are telling me that God wants me to live. Sure, it's not exactly what the dream said, yet, it is true and does communicate something God is really saying.

While watching Numbers last night the closing dialog, one of my favorite parts of the show, had a meeting of the minds of two diametrically opposed characters. The two older men, one a civil protester and the other, a Vietnam vet, couldn't represent more opposite sides of an argument. Yet, in their reconciliation, the vet noted that the protester was incredibly strong because he was able to withstand and not retaliate to an attack from a police officer. That required greater strength than resorting to violence.

That got me thinking. If we regularly respond to evil with good (as John Paul was discussing indirectly) and Jesus told us directly to do, it is tremendously difficult process. And, the more we do it, the more difficult it gets. I believe grace sets in an allows us to do things we couldn't do in and of ourselves. But, the idea that we can actively stop evil with the supernatural bullet proof vest intrigues me. Sure, when you get shot with a bullet proof vest, it hurts. However, you still live whereas normally you wouldn't.

Taking this even further (from the concept of evil between people) I wonder, when satan entices us to evil (James' temptations and/or trials) or assaults us (Ephesians' fiery darts), can we respond the same way? I can imagine it would be much more difficult. When we are attacked by people, we at least know what happened, who did it, etc. In other words, we saw the hit. With satan, we rarely, if ever, see the attack. In fact, I find in my life, it's only the symptoms and wounds that indicate I have been attacked. So, my trials/temptations or fiery darts are the only indication the invisible, spiritual realm is against me. With people, it is visible when conflict has arisen. I am curious what God will help me understand about this.

Word play with fasting

For some reason the idea of fasting has been on my mind lately. As I was walking to another room tonight, a word play on the nature of fasting came to mind. Fast and quick are synonyms. I know from some experiences that fasting brings about a sense of physical and spiritual lightness or alertness I don't normally have. The word that came to mind was "quickening". Fasting brings about a spiritual quickening.

In trying to think through some things, I decided to glance over at Elijah List. Although the two words I looked at were fairly different, both had a similar focus that spoke to me: James. We have begun going to a bible study and James happens to be the topic. In one article the idea of using speech to positively transform your life is delved into. Without getting into the question of how to respond to the "wealth and prosperity" message, I do wonder, "How are we as believers supposed to speak of the future?" Christ himself said we don't know what tomorrow holds and we truly have no power to effect it. (Mt. 6:34) In that verse, Jesus was specifically addressing the issue of wealth. I am not trying to suggest that Jesus was speaking into the "wealth and prosperity" issue here.

Here are some other cross-references along the wealth lines:

Matthew 6:25 "For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

Matthew 6:27 "And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?

Luke 10:41 But the Lord answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things;

Luke 12:11"When they bring you before the synagogues and the rulers and the authorities, do not worry about how or what you are to speak in your defense, or what you are to say;

Luke 12:22 And He said to His disciples, "For this reason I say to you, do not worry about your life, as to what you will eat; nor for your body, as to what you will put on.

Philippians 4:6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

1 Peter 5:7casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.

The attitude I am sensing here is one of petition, where we ask God for things, not, where we command our destiny as I so often sense in the "wealth and prosperity" message.

So, that leaves me wondering, what does God tell us about the authority we have to influence our lives? I feel strongly, if we have such authority, it is not to be focused on increasing our wealth or physical well-being and creature comforts. Yet, in the gospels Jesus did exercise authority over sickness and death.

From this word (http://www.elijahlist.com/words/display_word/8103) I draw an interesting question: how are we to become what God has already proposed we should be? In the article, Kim Clement concludes with two simple, key elements: obedience and sacrifice. There is much more in his word that could be focused on, but, the specific challenge I see is this: discerning God's call on a person's life (that is what God wants them to do/be) and then figuring out how to do that. In other words, how do we become something we are not yet but can still be?

From the perspective of the person, we see who we are and we are challenged with God's vision of who we are. So, we are left with the question of how to make the two one? Each person's process will differ. Some will leave behind who they are. Others will merge the two. Some will draw God to them. In the end, however, the task is the same: using the authority we do have to become what God has.

To do so, I sense that realizing and remembering what authority is and whose it is helps. Part of submitting to God is as simple as actually doing it. The challenge is usually not can it be done. It is usually will it be done. When we start finding reasons not to (as the examples of Kim Clement pointed out) we are choosing not to. By abandoning our preconceived notions of who we are we are then able to allow God to do what He can/wants. This letting God and submitting releases power because we are no longer under the false assumption that we possess power to begin with. The power we possess comes through letting God act in our lives, not through an action of our own. The only way to grow in God's power is to decrease in our own. Although John the Baptist was not implying this when he spoke of his role in the kingdom, I do think there is a parallel to what I am saying. Until he allowed himself to let God be God (by ushering in Jesus' ministry) and do what had been planned the plan itself could never have happened. Imagine if John had tried to keep his ministry going...what would people have thought of Jesus ministry? Yet, by being the wheat that dies, John was able to allow the new ministry of Christ to grow.

Returning to my original focus, James starts off focusing on the tongue and its power. There is clearly an authority each of us possesses to affect ourselves and each other. James himself validates that. So, there is some Biblical truth in the notion that we can edify ourselves through the proper and righteous use of speech. But, can and should are two different things. By that comment, I am not suggested we should disregard the importance of right speech regarding oneself. That we should not speak wrongly (that is use the power of the tongue to curse and not to bless) is not something that can be pointed to with a single verse. It can, however, be implied from various scriptures.

Should we use the power of speech God gives us for ourselves? If so, how? There are some verses I want to draw on. I still have some research to do, but, this seems to be an interestng series of ideas and I want to come back and look at how trials/temptations relate to it after I get a little more prayer and research under my belt.

Bar church

On http://www.foxnews.com there was a video spot about a minister who had decided to start their church meeting in a bar. I think this is actually a great idea and people don't do things like this often.

Desert edge

For a while now I have been in a bit of a spiritual slump. A desert so to speak. Dry, hard, arid and harsh. No doubt, a lot of the season and place has been the result of my stubbornness. Root causes aside, I am getting a strange sense of excitedness about some of the things going on in my life lately. Although I suspect it may take me several blog posts to catch up to where I am as I write, I think there are a few confessions I must put out there first to clear the air. If, for no one else, myself and the Lord. It all boils down to this: I started this blog to record my spiritual journey and the ups, downs and in-betweens so I could share my struggles and experiences with others. For several months, or, more realistically, years, I have neglected this. At times, I turned to intellectualism. At other times, the random recesses of my mind. And, when none of that worked to satisfy me, I just didn't write at all. (That really shows God!) Now, I am back and want to review some of the path that brought me to sit here with a bit of excitement in my spirit tonight.

When I moved to Dallas I came here for two reasons: 1) a job and 2) to work with the Streams Training Center Barbie Breathitt was heading up at the time. Well, the job I took turned out to be more like a prison sentence than anything else. And, as a result, my ability to work with Barbie was limited by my job. After about a year, I had to stop the little bit of work I had with Barbie to focus on what I was doing at work and to try and keep my sanity and marriage somewhat stable. So, I began the first step into the desert.

Time passed, a new job came and all seemed to be going well. With each passing day, however, I felt more and more dead. Lifeless, useless, uninterested, detached and withdrawn. I blamed my job and family for preventing me from being able to pursue my passions: working with Streams and growing in my calling. God eventually dealt with me about the half-truths and misdirected anger I felt towards those around me and the blessings he had placed in my life. My anger, dissatisfaction, the discontent that prodded me, these things all were the result of an unwillingness to accept who and what I was at that time in life. I harbored anger and frustration against God for not recognizing my pain and rewarding me for the suffering I had endured and the sacrifices I had made.

In reality, the things I have endured have been difficult. But, they are nothing compared to the persecution and horrible things others have gone through just to survive. And, many of those people not only joyously praised God, they used those events, those pains, those heartaches to glorify God, love others and draw those around them with a passion to Him. My walk has been nothing in those terms. In fact, I have come to realize that, in spite of my experiences and struggles, God still waits, hoping, desiring for my love, for my full honor and glorification. He truly wants to be the king of my life, the Lord I love.

Through the past few months, my frustrations have brought a few issues to light that require me to be honest with myself and with God. We joined a church that is great. It's got a vibrant community that is filled with love. When we joined Kerri began to receive a tremendous impartation of love and instruction. The kids were able to begin building a powerful foundation for their walks. Indeed, it's everything you could want in a church. And, yet, I found myself feeling empty and wanting more.

I tried various things. But, I eventually hardened my heart and simply accepted, for this season, the kids and Kerri were first and foremost. In the past few months my willingness to put their needs before mine has weakened. I don't know how to hold off any longer. While running I have been looking for churches around home. I found a few. I took the kids to one a week Kerri was out of town. Worship went on for 45 minutes before we left. The kids were roaming around the back of the church, complaining it was too loud. Overall, pretty clearly not the right place. Kerri and I tried another church. It felt like a concert on a cappuccino, way too hyped up. So far, all strikes.

One morning, I saw a sign for an inconspicuous church and memorized the web address. Later that day I went to the website, checked it out and emailed the pastor to see if they had any Sunday night services. They didn't but, they were starting a class on spiritual gifts in the church. That piqued my interest. I ended up meeting with the pastor, who being a good pastor, didn't want to just let some random stranger show up at a Sunday night class. As it turns out, the church is one very similar to Vineyard in nature. They are young, still growing with a small body of around a hundred on Sundays. That felt a lot like home, but, as I knew with the church I took the kids to, small churches mean a major downgrade to their education and a pretty big upheaval to their world.

Somewhere in this timeframe I found another church relatively similar to the one we go to now, only closer. As I explored the website I found some very interesting things. The church has a few decades of history, so, it's pretty grounded. They appear to have several stable, well-formed ministries. A few missionary outlets and a couple of core classes I think look interesting. Yet, I fear it will be the same of what we currently experience were we to start going there. Lots of fast, hustle and bustle, no real passion for Jesus. Lots of people there, essentially for the show. So, a check in my spirit here too.

That leaves me at a cross-roads. I see two directions to possibly go: 1) smaller, more like the Acts model I have been growing more and more empassioned about and 2) larger, more Ephesians like model. But, He still hadn't said yeah or neah. So, I asked for more wisdom. A few weeks later, I had the thought to check on the Streams Partners site to see if they still offered Fireside Chats. They discontinued it a while back, but, Robert happened to have a few lying around. He sent me a bundle of CD's and a packet regarding the Perfect Storm materials. In it was a note indicating he felt led to send me those particular discs. (Thanks Robert, you were right on!)

In one of the discs, from 2006, John Paul discusses a brief historical overview of the early church as grounds to relay the status of where the Bridge was at the time of the recording. In the process of relaying this information he pointed out 4 basic church models that can be found in Scripture. While listening to the CD I felt I had been given a big piece of the puzzle I was looking for. I will put another post up with details and reflections of his message. But, to make the point here, I must say the observations he made gave me a whole new perspective on my situation.

For a while now I have no longer felt content simply going to church. I have never been much of a spectator, in anything I do. I think that's one reason I can't get into sports. I would rather do it myself, even if completely unsuccessfully, more than watch others. Life is too short to be a spectator and I most of the time, I don't like to stroke the egos of people who feed on that vibe. At any rate, going to church and not being involved is meaningless to me. What's the point. God created us to glorify Him. If we are not actively fulfilling our purpose (to glorify Him), we cannot find happiness and there's compelling reason to be in church, if that's the case.

In short, I want God to be God in my life. I want the God of the Bible. The one who raised Jesus from the dead. The one who spoke to Moses. The one who made and fulfilled promises to Abraham. The god of slick Sunday presentations and dead services repulses me. And, for me to silently go along with this torments my soul and spirit. Now, I am not saying that my church is like this. I know, in the past couple of years I have been selfish and refused to do what I could for God where I was because of selfishness, unhappiness, guilt, shame, greed, pride, laziness, stubborness. Shoot, any character flaw that exists, I could probably point back to it at some point here in recent history.

What does this have to do with God not being real in my life? What does this have to do with my church? Everything. I have lived in fear. Fear that I would do the wrong thing. Fear that I would be offensive. Fear that my character flaws, all 8,254 of them, would be discovered. Fear of rejection. Fear of powerlessness. Fear, if you notice, is the main word of the day. I have spent the majority of my life afraid. In fact, it has paralyzed me most of my life. But, now, I think God has stirred me to start fighting, even if it's just a little, to break free of fear. To find the freedom and life he promises.

So, here I sit. I have a passion for God, albeit a weak one. I have people everywhere around me and I sense God is wanting to do something new, something real (to me at least). Only, I don't have a clue as to what that is. During one of the early morning coffee visits with my newly growing pastor friend I come to the realization that part of the reason I have been so discontent, so unhappy is because I got lost along the way. I had been demanding (and pouting) that God give me what I thought he was supposed to give me: some "in" into the prophetic ministry. In reality, I had gotten sidetracked.

In fact, I came to realize this was a major part of my problem. Yet, the fact that it was my problem was not the major truth I came to see. I felt I had tapped into an understanding of a much larger issue, a much larger problem, something permeating today's Christian walk in America. I sensed that the reason people have become powerless in their walk is because they are not doing what God said to do. (This is really another blog post in and of itself.) Throughout the New Testament, God gave simple, clear commands about what we are to do. Community, fellowship, prayer, fasting, giving, preaching the good news, healing the sick, casting out demons. These are the things the early church did. In short, I had missed the mark. We, as a church, have missed the mark.

This realization was like a lightning bolt. It shook me to the core and startled me. God wanted simple love. An intimacy and single-minded passion for Him. And, here I was, mad at Him for trying to get my attention, for trying to get my attention, focus my energies and get me going in the right direction. I had gotten in a rut "pursuing" God and was mad at Him for trying to get me out. Oh, how I felt Jeremiah 7:24 applied, "But they did not listen or pay attention; instead, they followed the stubborn inclinations of their evil hearts. They went backward and not forward." I had been shocked back to life, but, in a shallow self-examiniation, found my heart weak, if alive at all, and my life, a pathetic testimony to God's grace, love and majesty.

It was time for me to find something. A way back to Him. In another sereptitious turn of events only God could prompt, my pastor friend offhandedly mentioned a phrase in passing one morning that really caught my ear: Jesus as revolutionary. I asked him about it later and he mentioned a book by George Barna (someone I'd never heard of before) called Revolution. After a little bit of footwork, I had an interlibrary loan get a copy in my hands. Much of the anxiety, the call to action, the thoughts and struggles, uncertainties and doubts that have been plaguing me appeared in written form on the pages of that book. God gave me some confirmation, I am not alone. In fact, there are lots of people who are no longer looking for God in traditional ways. (Yes, there's another series of posts about this book and the thought processes it has stirred in me.)

So, the crossroads looks like this: I have before me two paths. I do not know which the Lord has called me and my family on year. But, neither of them permit me to be a spectator in my life any longer. God is calling me to action. The frightening thing is that I need to commit personally for this to happen. This has been a theme all along. At our current church, personally committing, stepping out and sharing my ideas, my vision of who Christ is and who we need to be, might have prompted God's work to begin earlier. Only, I was stubborn and preoccupied with myself and how unhappy I am.

To me, it seems God is as gracefully and mercifully as always, giving me another opportunity to do what He calls me to do: step forward, lead and speak the truth in love. I see now that a church community focused on anything but Jesus is social, not spiritual. That is not what God loved so much about the early church. It's not what God is going to love now. God is going to love those who love Him and Him above all else. I commit to you Lord my life, my hopes and my longings. I see the edge of desert approaching and I praise you Lord for being faithful. Thank you Jesus for your love and being a brother in this time of weakness. Jesus help my life to pour passion, love and mercy as did yours.

Thorn in the side: blessing or curse?

When Paul speaks of the "a thorn in his side" (2 Corinthians 12:7-10) he's highlighting someone or something that continually causes problems. Much speculation exists about exactly what he was referring to with the comment. (I did find this article inferring it was the junta of Judaizers he always had to clean up after interesting: http://www.mountainretreatorg.net/bible/thorn.html) To me, it is more important that he said this than the specific thing he was alluding to with the remark. Everyone has a torn in their side. Yet, what may be a thorn in one person's side is nothing to another. God keeps each of us humble in unique ways because no two people are the same.

I have been meeting with a friend of mine recently in the mornings to discuss various things. A couple of weeks ago we met as usual. I managed to get there a little early and tried to squeeze in some reading. After thumbing through a few sections of Scripture, I stopped at verse that struck me and picked up from there. At the time, I thought there was no particular reason to it. Five minutes later he arrived, grabbed some coffee and we started talking. The only time he opened his bible he started reading from a verse in the column immediately to the left of where I started.

I chuckled a bit. Later I realized something. For years I have complained about various things in which I am so close to success, to nailing something. Whether it's a point in an argument or discussion...or some new thing I am studying...or naming an issue, I always have the same problem: I can do exactly what I want to. Almost. Every time I am nearly perfect in my efforts, but, not quite. Something is always off just a bit. This has plagued me for as long as I can know.

At first, it was school, the arguments, then, relationships. But, I realized that perhaps God has deliberately made me this way so I don't get too prideful. For me, I want to possess power, accuracy, intelligence, wisdom. Many of these things stem from a desire to protect myself, not glorify God. With a root like that, it's no wonder God would put a stumbling block in front of me.

Yet, at the same time, I feel like he has opened my eyes. I feel as if I am someone who gets exceedingly close (and that is a gift) but who needs others (whether men or the Spirit) to help me with my accuracy and vision. Just realizing this gives me some freedom. In a sense, there is something wrong with me (from my point of view) but, from God's perspective, it's just right. So, I may not have the same kind or degree of issue Paul faced, but, I can relate to the self-awareness that I will most likely never be fully capable of exerting the influence I desire. And, glory be to God, it's by design...not mistake. Indeed, I count my blessings Lord.

Trying to figure out the principalities

I heard a comment about dealing with principalities. The person had mentioned the dominant spirits over an area. They also discussed the town history and how certain events had happened over time that indicated some of the issues in the area. Here in Frisco there is a strong spirit of materialism and greed. I know several years ago there used to be all sorts of prostitution at 121 and Preston. That got me thinking about the relationship between the two. A spirit of whoredoms probably still resides in the area. Yet, instead of manifesting as whoredom, it comes as one of greed. I need to do some research and see what I can find about the town history to confirm this. That would help identify an area of repentance and intercession.

Times and Seasons

I am learning to try and filter the stresses and phases of my life in terms of seasons and times. Seasons, in the way I am using it, refers to a particular time in life or a stage of growth. This often ties into the progressive stages on must go through on the path of maturity. In other words, these are the different lessons one must face in the process of sanctification. These are frequently sequential and one stage must be passed through before another begins. Pretty much, this is a spiritual lesson I have to let God reshape a part of my character before He will start working on the next thing. I think everyone must pass through the same seasons along the path of maturity.

Times, however, are more directly related to what God is doing in history. History, by nature, is ever-changing. Sure, there are cycles in history, but, they often relate to man's sin. When we look at times, we see the unique way God is speaking into a specific part of history. Although similarities between different times can be drawn out, God usually is doing something different from one time to another in the world through his people. On a more personal (or group level) times relate to how the things going on in the world affect us as individuals or groups.

When we try to discern whether the times or seasons affect our lives it is easy to get confused as to which is causing what. A simple, logical way to think about the causes of events have three possibilities: 1) something is caused by a season 2) something is causes by the times and 3) something is caused by the times and the season.

1. When something is caused by a season it affects the person going through it now the same way it would have affected someone 3,000 years ago or 3,000 years from now. Since spiritual growth typically is the same eternal process, the human reaction is essentially going to be the same regardless of the times. One can often gain comfort and solace in identifying with others who have been through the same process. The different stages can be identified, patterns can be recognized and a bit of a roadmap can be made to help handle the stresses of the season. In a sense, seasons are the easiest to handle because, even though the transformation is not enjoyable, you can figure out how to make it out alive if you are willing to trust God and let Him change you.
   
2. When something is caused by the times the affects are similar in all people for a given time. When compared against a cause being seasonal, times typically are unique in that never before and never after will the same unique constellation of conditions affect everyone the same. More often than not, a "wave" of one attitude, behavior or action comes across a people. I would tend to think times are of the magnitude of principality. Many times can be endured by focusing on God instead of the circumstance and finding joy in the uncertainty. Here God calls us to trust Him by believing what could be classified with doubt as a negative thing is in reality, through faith, something good.
   
3. Lastly, when something is a combination of both times and seasons it is the most difficult. Neither the predictability of a season nor the temporary nature of a time make the combination of the two easy to handle. Without certainty in one area, this can pull one down quite powerfully.
   

In my own life, I have found myself in a season of disobedience. God has called me to be disciplined in my spiritual life. Time is harder and harder to come by. To get the same amount of things done, I have to be much more deliberate to accomplish what is set before me. But, when I allow distractions, laziness or temptation to let me squander time, I become guilty and angry at myself. Guilty because I know this is not the success that I know God has in store. And, angry, because I know that I have failed as a result of my own weakness and selfishness.

But, I have a whole swarm of desires and intentions that began in goodness. Yet, the defiance of these challenges leaves me with lifeless idols in my heart and my mind. I tend to create goals for myself, a thing symbolic of the power I possess. If I set a goal and accomplish, I can know that I possess a specific power. God doesn't want us to put faith in our own powers, though, but, rather, He wants us to put faith in Him and Christ. So, every time I set a goal with the intent of self-empowerment through accomplishment, I am defying God.

In our community group we talked about how to be obedient to God without it becoming a religious activity? In all honesty, I don't know. It seems like a simply question. In trying to find an answer, I saw, I do not know God intimately in this way. Discipline and obedience are very closely related in my mind. To be obedient, we must be disciplined. We must choose to do what does not come naturally through the power of God. As we do this, we are tempted to think it is through our own doing, not through God's grace, that this power is granted to us. And, when we overlook the fact that it is solely as a result of God's grace that God's will in our life can be done, we slip into the arena of religiousness. Or, at least, I think this is the beginning of the slippery slope. First, we see a challenge. Then, we tend to get drawn into our hedging our insecurities and building on our strengths instead of God's grace as we make decisions, look for wisdom and seek strength.

This is a hard season for me. God wants discipline. He wants intimacy. He wants change in my life. And it is a difficult time. The world grows harder, fiercer and more unstable each day. Yet, God is here. He is guiding a way. The challenge is to stand as he wants me to stand, even though it's unnatural. To want things I don't want, but, know are right and good. To let go of things upon which my death grip marks my character. To find freedom in self-imposed slavery. He wants me to be something I am not. Ironically, it is what I am, just not yet. In this season, I wrestle fear and lose. In these times, I fight boldly, but, foolishly. I am hoping I let God in enough to stop losing and being foolish. I am hoping I will pay no attention to the times and be less concerned with each season's difficulties. Instead, I want to radiate God's mercy, goodness, love and power in ways that give people the kind of hope Jesus and the apostles had. That is a call we have in any time or season.

Jewish holidays and festivals

Yet again I find myself drawn to the idea of celebrating Jewish feasts. While listening to a CD over the weekend it was pointed out that the weirdness around full moons cannot really be understood without the context of the feasts of the new moon. But, without observing those holidays, an academic understanding will only be book learning.

So, the outgrowth of this is to try and track down a reliable, fairly straightforward book on the festivals. There are a few online, but, I don't have a lot of money to put into new books about something tangential to my walk. I really want to fill out the details, but, there are lots of more fundamental things that come before an answer to a question like this.

If anyone has suggestions on a good book, let me know.

Crisis of action

I tend to be a patient person, although that seems to be waning as I get older, but, I find myself at a loss recently when struggling with an issue. At the end of Mark 16 are these verses:

14 Later Jesus appeared to the Eleven as they were eating; he rebuked them for their lack of faith and their stubborn refusal to believe those who had seen him after he had risen.

15 He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. 16 Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. 17 And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; 18 they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well."

19 After the Lord Jesus had spoken to them, he was taken up into heaven and he sat at the right hand of God. 20 Then the disciples went out and preached everywhere, and the Lord worked with them and confirmed his word by the signs that accompanied it.

Now, I can easily dismiss things on lots of grounds. For instance, I can read this and say these "signs" were something the apostles were demonstrating, but, it's certainly not something I should feel expected to do. But, when I read verse 20, it says disciples, not apostles. So, that one goes out the window.

So, the reasoning goes, if disciples of Christ are confirmed by the signs that accompanied his word, what am I to conclude from my life? I see two possibilities: 1) the Gospel is wrong and these signs are not necessary to confirm the Lord working with me, or 2) I am not doing what the Lord said. Since I believe the Bible, I will have to go with option 2: I am not doing what the Lord said. And, it saddens and angers me.

Lord, help me to know what to do. Teach me how to go into the world and preach the good news. Help me understand what you really want. And, if it is this simple (which I think it is), make me a preacher and teacher of the good news in the fullness of your love, power and Holy Spirit.

How to replace the counterfeit with the real

I once heard that cigarettes are a substitute for the Holy Spirit. How? Well, people get similar physical responses from smoking a cigarette to what occurs when the Holy Spirit falls on them. Okay. Fair enough. So, my next question is: if we see people in bondage to some counterfeit, are we supposed to pray that the Holy Spirit would meet their needs? I know freedom is a key pray (deliverance), because without that we are only patching a sinking ship. Nonetheless, are the vices people indulge themselves in indicative of how the Holy Spirit needs to be ministered to them? Are people's sins a way to approach them? If so, Lord, tell me how?

community - family (youth) have community - grow up and live alone (college/after) - then, have family. I think there is something to being in community that correlates to being in family. I also see that the early church lived in community. In our age, community is freely rejected in an unspoken manner. Part of it is self-centeredness and part of it is extolled as "freedom" and "individuality".

In the past few days I've had some interesting thoughts come to mind, things I think God is placing on my heart. Without writing a novel, I'll hit the highlights:

1) regional curses. A few years ago I was in discussion with someone who was thinking about how African deserts were really the result of global warming. I pointed out that it doesn't make sense that a region would just wither up in a 1 year period. As we were talking I realized that this is how the kinds of curses thrown out in the Old Testament would have worked. A flourishing region suddenly becomes a barren wasteland. Imagine what Jesus did to the fig tree. Now, put that on a regional level. Principalities and powers.
2) people are cut off. This is not the way the church in the first century was. If you look throughout scripture, Jesus didn't have an office. He didn't make appointments. He didn't have a safe title. He interacted directly with people. It was raw. It was in your face. It was real. There were patterns to where he ran into people. There were markets, synagogues, wells, streets. He went to where people were. He surrounded himself with people. Too often these days, people wall themselves off. They hide it seems. People avoid interaction with others. Like I've talked about before, I think people don't want to get involved because they don't know how and they don't want to have to give up their time or energy. In other words, they don't want to commit themselves. But, this is about the contrast between how Jesus (and the disciples) were drawn to where people were. Today, people are repelled by it. Community has been lost.
3) A quote worth considering, "If satan can't make you sin, he will keep you busy."
4) Recently I have been having new notions about what I am called to do. Earlier this year I realized that I needed to stop looking for some "special" calling and do what all Christians were called to do: the great commission. For several years now, I have been looking for something about my walk that would make me special. God said, I needed to recosider that. After he got my attention turned in the right direction I started trying to see what he wanted. It turns out, it was there all along. Help those who need help: the widows, the orphans, the defenseless. Pray for the sick. Gather in community, break bread. Sing songs of praise. So many things that can be done...why focus on something special.
Once I have gotten out of looking for something specific I realized I'd been looking for something that had been in front of me all along. Now, it's a matter of actually doing those things. I look around and I don't see anyone I know doing these things. Living in Christian community. Praying together. Laying on of hands. Praying for the sick. Miracles. Healing. Singing songs of praise. These are the things the early church did...and, they worked. The church was filled with power and love. Today, there is no power and little love. I feel God is showing my special calling is to begin living like the first century church. To actually do these. In our day, we don't see the church living as the church lived then. What the church does now is powerless, a shell of what Christ called for. I sense he wants me to speak the message he gave us in the first place. I sense this is my "special" calling. I kind of find it ironic that doing what we're supposed to do is "special". Only because the church today does not do what it is supposed to do is there any irony, only because of this is there a lack of examples to follow. I ask that God would strengthen me to be a Christian as Christ and the disciples were. Make me what I am supposed to be Holy Spirit!

In spite of how I might come across from this blog, I'm actually quite goofy. I recently started working with the 2 year olds at my church on Sundays...so, goofiness comes in quite handy. Yet, as I am being quickly reminded, 2-year old kids do exactly what you do. Goofy is not yet something on their radar. They are just parrots, little monkies who see and do. Goofy requires the ability to see an activity, register it, compare it against normal behavior and recognize a difference. 2-year olds don't have "norms" yet. I think the word here is impressionable.

While running this morning this idea struck me while reflecting on a recent incident. A fellow Christian made a comment in passing that some non-Christians took offense to and secretly criticized. It occurred to me that non-Christians are, spiritually speaking, in many ways, like 2-year olds...or perhaps even more like unborn children. They do not have the ability to hear a Christian's comments, filter them and put it into context. Rather, they take it for what it is and, more often than not, it negatively reflects upon the person making the comments.

Applying this notion to how I approach others in my walk, I have to keep in mind that those who are not already grounded in the same ideas, beliefs and hopes I am will not get my incomplete thoughts. By incomplete thoughts, I mean partial expressions of hope and faith. When I make an off-handed comment, it's usually around people I think I can trust who will not hold it against me if I don't perfectly package my inner dialog when it comes out in the form of words. But, since non-Christians won't necessarily have the same frame of reference for my thoughts, it's unfair to hold them to this standard, to the notion that they will pardon my small misdeeds. They do not know they are misdeeds or moments of weakness. Instead, they see it and think, "Oh, he really is just like everyone else even though he tries to be different." We are told to hold our tongues since we will be accountable for every word that crosses our lips. I may only teach 2-year olds on Sunday, but, I feel I am surrounded by them 24-7. Better remember, "Be careful little ears what you hear...". Non-Christians, who are much more impressionable, cannot separate who Christ is from who we portray him to be because they don't know Him. It is up to us to show the world who He is through who we are.

Bluebird

I remember watching K Pax, a movie from a few years back with Kevin Spacey, and enjoying the animated scene with the bluebird. It cracked me up because I know things like that happen, just not quite as often as they used to. Well, our church has a book club that is studying a book called the Blue Parakeet. I never heard of it and saw it in last week's bulletin. The name seemed to be one of those titles that is meant to grab your attention and make you want to look...akin to Who moved my cheese?, etc. Not having time, energy or money to devote I just dismissed it.

God apparently wanted me to pay a little more attention. I had gone for a workout yesterday morning running randomly up and down a few streets in north Plano. As I started into one of my faster sections I saw on the ground a weird looking bird. Sure enough, a blue parakeet. Now, if I were to go by statistics, I'd have to say that the chances of a blue bird native to Australia sitting on the same sidewalk of a north Texas town I happened to be running though...well, the numbers would be small. So, I immediately got the memo. Yes, Lord, I will read The Blue Parakeet. Sometimes he actually has to use signs, even small ones, to get the point across when I ignore the initial message. (Thanks for being persistent God.)

The fear of the Lord...

...is the beginning of wisdom. This is a widely used verse. I only began to see what it was pointing at when I reflected on it a little more. While the word commonly used as fear can loosely be translated as respect, it is frequently documented that the English translation does little justice to the original Hebrew word. That being said, I sensed that something basic underlies this verse. When Solomon asked for wisdom he feared God. He knew that the task set before him, to rule God's people well, would be difficult. Implied in that realization was the understanding that a good job would be rewarded by God and a poor job would not be rewarded and more likely lead to punishment. In other words, Solomon feared what God would do if he did not rule well. This fear, this motivation, was literally the starting place for wisdom. Solomon knew that only by respecting God first (not man or laws or anything else) would allow him to make wise decisions because: 1) he had a basis from which to gauge his decisions and 2) he was aware of how accountable he was for his actions. People who have not standards for judgment and who do not have a real, personal sense of responsibility are not meaningfully bound to the outcome of their decisions. So, people who make decisions based on intelligence alone can be wrong, but, if the consequences of their mistake impact them in no direct way, what harm or loss is done? Keeping in mind God and his ways, will and plans allows one to make wise decisions because it provides a sound frame of reference and prevents us from lying to ourselves and/or others. If we know there is no escape from our decisions, we take our choices much more seriously.

Control

Looking into the nature of control has been an interest of late. There are a few reasons it jumps out at me. One article I stumbled on that has a ton of intriguing notes (mainly about human nature) is: RECOGNIZING MANIPULATION AND INTIMIDATION FOR THE PURPOSE OF DOMINATION (CONTROL) - Control by false authority, manipulation, intimidation. Just reading through it are a ton of ways to recognize and deal with manipulation and intimidation. As I studied the article I realized how widespread these tactics are. People, as folks like to call it at work, are always trying to build their little empires. Part of the reason politics draws people is because it allows them to wield authority and with it experience power. I have nothing against power as it is necessary and good when used correctly. However, many people, due to poor character, are unable to handle it well and, from this all-too-common case, abuse things which have been entrusted to them.

What does all this have to do with control? Control is, in its purist form, boils down to, using Webster, "to exercise restraining or directing influence over". It is the possession of power. To me, this is not a natural thing, rather, it is a spiritual thing. People want to have power. I believe this stems from the original sin, pride, but, only as a side effect. Yet, I sense they are very, very closely related. Nonetheless, when people are obsessed with control (and power) just for the sake of being in control meekness cannot possibly follow. Power for the sake of possessing power is about the person, not the responsibility which entitled them to have the power. Being able to restrain and/or influence others is a great responsibility and something not to be used lightly. To me, it ranks with the kind of responsibility mentioned of teachers in Scripture. To be able to form souls, to cause them to make certain decisions (or not)...these are serious things.

An earlier usage of the word - "exert authority," from M.L. contrarotulus - touches a little more closely than that of the 15th century Old English. It is the experience of exerting authority, of using power, when what God-given (or God-permitted) authority is allowed to flow that people get a larger-than-life sense. It is, in reality, the force of God released through an individual to grant them power over another (or a thing) in order to change its natural course of action. Yielding the power of God temporarily takes one out of the natural and aligns them with the spiritual, for better or worse, and gives people a taste of God's might. Now, I am not saying being in control makes one God. I am saying that control can bring with it a supernatural experience that allows us to more deeply understand who God is and His nature. I think all too often people get lost in the experience and forget to be humbled by their being used as an instrument of God, and, see, rather, this event as making them somehow special. From this sense of uniqueness, I think people draw the beginning steps of incorrectly desiring validation (and the high) from the experience of control rather than the understanding that they are merely an object of the Lord.

After reflecting on the dualistic nature of life verses I had another notion come to mind: character flaws might be (or stem from) spiritual gifts used in the flesh. Some of the practical examples that came to mind were these:

Gift Character flaw
Mercy/Compassionate Permissive, pushover
Prophetic Verbally oppressive
Apostolic Overbearing
Charismatic Charming
Evangelistic Smooth-talking

I have not dwelt on this at length, but, I really sense there is something to this. How it might help is, when I see someone clearly walking in the flesh, identify what character flaw is being displayed and track back to the spiritual gift they have. Then, once the gift is identified, pray and speak to the gift (in the spiritual) and not the flaw (in the natural). Many times when you focus on the natural, you will get drawn into the natural and respond soulishly as well. Instead, remember to draw to the spiritual level and lift the person with you instead of being pulled (or letting yourself be drawn) down to the level of the flesh and fall to them.

Exactly when and where I heard this escapes me at the moment, but, I have it stuck in my head that Dr. Pepper is so acidic that a person has to drink approximately 48 ounces of water to restore proper Ph levels for every 1 ounce of Dr. Pepper ingested. I've never actually investigated the numbers because I am not familiar with the chemistry behind Ph levels, but, if I recall correctly, it has to do with powers of 10 for each point below 7. In other words, if my Ph level is at 6, I have to drink 1 ounce of water to get it back to 7. If it's at 5, I have to drink 10 ounces. I could be totally wrong, but, I never claimed to be a chemistry buff.

I searched around and found this link:

http://www.dentalgentlecare.com/diet_soda.htm

In it I found some disturbing facts. Based on the list below (from the link) Dr. Pepper is not far above battery acid.

Substance Ph Sugar (grams)
Dr. Pepper 2.92 9.5
BATTERY ACID 1.00 0.0

In essence, Dr. Pepper, though not the worst of the bunch, is more like drinking battery acid than water. Scary indeed. Now, if only I can convince myself that this is serious enough to put off the caffeine to fight off the mid-afternoon energy slump.

Rights and morality

As I continue to reflect on the notion of rights, I considered the danger of using law alone as the standard for determining rights. In a legal system based solely on law, that is to say, not based on morality or spirituality, rights are the product of the most powerful and/or skillful lawyers. As is evidenced by our own age, removing the consideration of what is good from the legal equation simply creates a power struggle. In that scenario, people will not stop at the boundaries of what is good. Rather, they will only stop when they win, regardless of how good (or evil) their victory is. By ignoring the moral and/or spiritual boundaries necessary for a just legal system cultures will have rights determined by the strongest, not the best, people. And, as is well known, power alone does not typically breed justice, but, rather, tyrannical societies. I see this implying that a legal system without morality at the center creates a flawed scope of rights dependent on the interests of those waging legal wars.